✮ ᗴᗰO ᗷOY ✮ //Johnnie Guilbert x F!Reader//

|Chapter Five|

I roll over in my bed, turning my phone on to check the time. It read '12:43pm' and I sighed. I set my phone down and sat up, running my fingers through my hair.

I had been in bed all day, just staring at the ceiling. I didn't feel like getting up, I didn't feel like doing anything at all. It was just one of those days I guess.

I pulled my knees to my chest hugging them tightly, laying my head in my arms. I tangle my hands in my hair, gripping it tightly in my hands. I choke back tears, and take a deep breath.

I pull the covers off of my legs and stand up, deciding to take a shower hoping that will help.

I grab my towel and head to the bathroom, laying it down on the counter. I scan over my face in the mirror, critiquing every feature.

My acne, the wrinkles that form when I smile, my uneven teeth, my chapped lips, my eye bags, my chubby cheeks.

I squeeze my cheeks, turning my face side to side. I pull at my hair, and poke at my skin. Criticizing every part of my face.

I strip down to just my underwear, and start pinching at the rest of my skin. Once again critiquing every part of me.

My 'muffin top' stomach, my rolls, my stretch marks, my 'thunder thighs', the scars on my thighs, the scars on my wrists, the scars on my stomach.

I knew I wasn't fat, but I wasn't skinny either and that was the problem. I didn't like my body, even if it could be worse I wanted it to be better. I just wanted to be skinny and pretty.

And I hated my scars more than anything, and I hated myself for what I did to myself.

Once I stepped out of the shower, I didn't bother looking in the mirror again and just headed to my room.

Once I'm done drying off, I slip on some underwear and dig through my dresser looking for something bigger. I pick out an old baggy t-shirt and some beige sweatpants and slip into them.

I go back to sitting in bed and grab my phone, I see multiple messages from multiple different people, but I don't feel like answering any of them.

I put my phone back down and look out my window, the sky is clear and it's sunny out. I close my eyes, listening to the wind.

My phone starts to ring and I audibly groan, picking up my phone to see who it is. It's Johnnie. Despite not wanting to talk, I answer it anyways.

"Hey, what's up?" I try to sound more happy than I actually am, not wanting him to ask about it. "Hey! I was wondering if you wanna hang out tonight? I'm bored, and Jake is busy so..." He says, drawing out the 'O'.

I think about it for a moment, thinking about if I have the energy for that. I sigh "Uhm, honestly I don't know if I have the energy for that right now." I try to laugh it off.

"You ok?" I hear him shift on the other end, and his tone softens. "Mhm! Yeah, just tired is all." He goes quiet for a minute.

"I can be there in like... Ten to twenty minutes, and we can talk about it. Does that sound ok?" He's quiet, his tone is gentle, and it makes me want to cry. I agree, and he hangs up.

I sit there quietly for a moment, playing with the strings on my sweatpants. I look around the room, trying to decide if it's clean enough for a guest or not. I get up, deciding to at least organize a bit.

I make my bed and grab out some extra pillows for comfort. I don't know why I care about how my room looks so much, if it were anyone else I wouldn't give a shit. I decide to just shrug it off, and sit in bed waiting for Johnnie.

Johnnie finally arrived, and I met him in the living room. Tara gave me the look before walking back to her room, and Johnnie and I headed to mine.

Johnnie sets a bag of snacks on my bed "I figured some snacks might cheer you up, if not though it was worth a shot." He smiles at me, and I get butterflies in my stomach. I do want the snacks, but the second I think about eating it makes me wanna barf.

I smile regardless "Thank you, I'm not really hungry right now but I'll eat them later." I sit on my bed, moving the bag of snacks to the floor so Johnnie can sit.

He sits down beside me and there's maybe a few inches between us. The silence feels almost comfortable. "So, do you wanna talk about it? Or do you just want a distraction?"

I stare up at him for a moment, thinking about it. "Can we just... Watch a movie? Or something." I nervously play with my fingers, bringing my knees to my chest. He nods, and we start looking for movies to watch.

"Have you seen Terrifier?" He turns to me and I shake my head. He looks to me with a shocked expression, and throws a hand over his heart. "As a supposed 'horror movie enthusiast', you've never seen Terrifier?" He seems almost offended, and I can't help but laugh.

So we settle on watching that, and Johnnie makes popcorn for both of us. "Are you sure you're ok with me sitting this close to you?" Johnnie asks as he sits back down, popcorn bowl in hand.

I nod, actually really enjoying being this close to him. He gets comfortable, leaning back against the wall with a pillow behind him. His fingers brush mine, making my heart skip several beats.

The movie is one of those crappy low budget slashers, but it's fun to watch. I knew Johnnie liked watching movies like this, and I was starting to see the appeal.

We sat together through a few different movies, and I opened up a bit about what was bothering me.

"I can't pretend to understand what that feels like, or pretend to know your pain. But I can assure you, you are not gross. You are not fat. You are not ugly." Johnnie wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. I bring my knees back up to my chest, and lean into him.

"Have you eaten today?" He questions me, and I shake my head. He convinces me to try and eat, and he orders some food for us off of UberEats.

As we sit there waiting for the food, Johnnie looks for another movie we can watch. I place my hand on his, catching his attention.

"Thank you. I needed that reassurance." He smiles softly, nodding. "Anytime you need it, I'm always here for you."

That comment sends butterflies through my stomach, and makes my heart skip a beat. I wasn't used to really anyone being that kind to me, but it felt even better coming from Johnnie.

We sat together and ate, continuing with the movies. But I had a hard time focusing on anything but Johnnie.