I Can't Lose You Again

4

Mikey felt his breath quicken as he retyped the name in again. And again. And again.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

"Donnie!" Mikey screamed. "Raph!" He stumbled as he pulled himself off the floor. "Dad! April!" He made it a few feet before his legs gave way and he tumbled to the ground.

Mikey tried to scream again, to call for his brothers, but his chest was tight and his throat was closing. Leo was gone. He could barely breathe, let alone scream. The world felt like static, buzzing against him on all sides and burning his fingers. Leo was gone. There was nothing he could do but curl around himself, forehead pressed on the floor, knees in his stomach, beg his legs to work and lungs to breathe because Leo was gone and who knows where he could be or what could have happened to him and he could be dying again. Mikey shut his burning eyes against the static and tried to block it all out, retreat into his mind, and stay hidden. But even there wasn't safe. All his mind could show him was Leo, laying broken on the ground as Mikey closed the portal. Leo slumped over in some alley. Leo, sitting in a pool of blood. Leo—

"—key. Mikey, what happened?" A voice cut through the static. Loud and steadfast, grounding Mikey long enough for him to remember where he was.

"Raph...?" It took so much to get the word past the blockade in his throat, only for it to get swallowed by the floor.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Raph, he's gone." The last word was choked out, almost lost in a sudden sob that left Mikey's face wet.

"Who's gone?" Raph asked again, but Mikey couldn't answer. The sobs kept coming, wracking his body and leaving him ever more breathless than he was before.

"Shit." Donnie's voice was low, low enough that the rest of what he said was lost to the static. It was all too much, and Mikey pulled himself into his shell. The static followed, and his throat was still tight, and his mind still showing him horrifying possibilities, but he felt just a bit calmer with the added pressure on all sides, tucked away from the world. He felt someone pick him up (Raph probably) and hold him in his lap, rubbing small circles into his shell. As much as it comforted Mikey, a part of him cried out in pain because Raph could be looking for Leo now, and He needs to be out there helping him, not coddling me. Eventually, Mikey's breaths evened out. Then, he just started crying. Large, ugly sobs filled the air as he uncurled out of his shell to bury himself in Raph's arms.

"Hey, Big Man, I'm here. I've got you." Raph whispered reassurances to his youngest brother, continuing to rub circles onto his shell. "We're all okay, I promise. Breathe, buddy, breathe."

"Leo—" Mikey gasped between tears.

"Donnie's calling him back right now. Just focus on breathing, okay?" Mikey gave a stiff nod and followed Raph along in a deep breathing exercise. Slowly but surely, his throat loosened and the breaths came easier. Raph's steadfast presence grounded Mikey, even when his thoughts wandered back to Leo.

Who, speak of the devil, came running in right then.

"What's going on? Donnie called—" Leo barely walked in the doorway before Mikey launched himself at his older brother, toppling onto the floor in the process.

"Leo!" Mikey sobbed, a fresh wave of tears springing to life as he squeezed Leo tightly.

"Mikey? Angelo, what's wrong? What happened?" Leo spoke softly, returning the hug in full.

"You— I didn't know where you were—" It sounded so stupid, but Mikey pushed those thoughts aside and buried his face in his brother's chest. "I thought I lost you."