Reversed

Dazai

Screaming was all I wanted to do as I woke up in the middle of the night. My bedsheets were drained in my sweat and I gasped for air.

"Fack"

I mumbled to myself as yet another nightmare woke me up. I closed my eyes for a moment before I got up and walked to the bathroom. the reflection of a stranger met my eyes. Who am I? What am I? I ask myself that every day for the last 4 years.

"Come on Dazai get it together"

Without thought, I push the mirror hating the reflection that just shattered. A sharp pain shoots through my hand as the glass shatters beneath my fist and cuts my skin. I take a deep breath as I feel the pain set in. Fack. As I look at my hand I collect my thoughts and remove the mirror sharts from my fist and bandage my hand.

how many times am I going to dream about him? How many times do I have to watch him die? How many times do I fail to save him? My thoughts are only on him I dream of him I see him everywhere I go. I can't escape him. And I don't want to. I want to feel him I want to hear him speak I want him.

Chuuya Nakahara

After getting everything cleaned up I go back to bed laying restlessly until the sun rises and Kunikida calls me telling me I am once again late for work. I get up but my body feels empty like something is missing. I walk to the back closet of my apartment and sit down at the desk with 7 large monitors. He is awake. I watch him. I always watch him.

My eyes are glued to the monitors I watch him get out of bed and shower. I watch him get dressed and eat breakfast. I am jealous of the air that touches his skin. I am jealous of the glass that touches his lips, and the water that he swallows down his throat. I want to wrap my hands around his throat and watch as the life leaves his body. 

If I can't have him no one can.