selfishness, selflessness, and enlightened self-interest

Selflessness

Thoughts on the idea of Selflessness,
This is a good place to mention a concern that inspired this essay Selfishness, Selflessness, and Enlightened Self Interest.
"I Should be Selfless"
A friend of mine was feeling good about being a team player in assisting others in projects. He was assessing himself as finally being mature enough to be exercising selflessness....
Then he realized that he had been enjoying himself while being helpful. He fell in his own regard because he believed that enjoyment or pleasure are linked to being selfish!

Maybe my friend's thinking was this: "So, if I go help another person with their project because I will enjoy doing so, then I am impure. I think I am a more mature human if I am selfless.
I do not know how many people are distressed because they value selflessness and shun selfishness.

Selflessness is respected by others
Perhaps the desire to be selfless is a way to gain respect from others or self respect.
I can see someone growing emotionally or spiritually to be interested in extending themselves in the behalf of others. I suspect we are built that way by spiritual design.

Selfless act of Heroism
There are plenty of examples of a person finding themselves propelled into action to move another out of harms way.
I imagine the "hero or heroine" is totally focused in action, giving no thought to themselves.

Selflessness in balance
Being human, a person selflessly serving others has to replenish themselves. They have to step out of selfless mode and into selfish mode.

Other Motives for " Selflessness"

People pleasing as a survival mechanism and people who carry so much responsibility for others because they believe they should.
These individuals will move into more self interest as balancing or " recovery" when they are ready or their Life moves them into different circumstances.