It's like, 7:00 AM and I was just like in that half-asleep-half-awake state and I heard wild-ass flapping of the wings. My dream-self obviously thought it was a giant-ass cricket because I'm deathly terrified of those fucking little shits.
I opened my fucking eyes to see....
A
FUCKING
PIGEON!!!
I have a bunk bed and I use the top bunk. Yesterday was very windy and chilly and I just wanted Antarctica in my room so I opened the windows. We have lots of pigeons and my building is like the last and has no building behind it.
My mom put out those tall, clothes drying racks and it had clothes all over it. It was in my room because my room has the biggest windows and, like I said, my room was on the backside of the building so direct sunlight.
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These drying racks. Anyway, I wake up to flapping of fucking wings and I was lying on my side. I open my eyes and the first fucking thing I see is FUCKING ORANGE-BLACK BEADY EYES!!
And the pigeon was doing its tilty-necky thing AND IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS PLOTTING THE BEST WAYS TO PECK OUT MY EYES!! I WAS EVEN MORE SCARED BECAUSE I WAS ON THE TOP BUNK AND THE PIGEON WAS LIKE, 5 FEET AWAY FROM ME!!
The fact that I was immediately thinking of Will Solace and his Stymphalian birds accident in SatS wasn't fucking helping. I was too scared to shoo them, just in case they landed on my face. So, I didn't move, covered my head and yelled for my mom.
I knew she'd be awake since she has work. She was about to come in and I was like, "MA!! BIRDS!!" and she was like, "And?"
LIKE, LADY!! FUCKING BIRDS ARE TRYING TO FUCKING PECK OUT MY FUCKING EYES!!
Anyway, she came and shooed them. But the windows were still open when I sat down to write this and THAT MF OF A PIGEON KEPT WALKING RIGHT BACK IN AND I WAS LIKE, "SHHHHH!!! SHOOOOOOO!!!"
I had my mom come in and close the windows.
So, in short, pigeons are the worst ways to wake up. Periodt.
