Just A Collector

Inner peace and regret

So its been quite a while .I dont understand anything.So is master oogway and kai.The first week we just meditated but it did nothing.We dont have a clue  about how to get inner peace.So we decided to ask a young panda what to do.He said,"Inner peace means accepting yourself."I gave him a look with question mark over my head.He looked at us and smiled and said,"Accepting yourself doesnt mean just accepting yourself superficially.Like I am me.No! It means accepting all your negative thoughts ,everybit of your regret and everybit of crime you have you have commited and then accepting and balancing them until you have accepted the darker version of yourself".I asked him,"Why is it easy for you but hard for us?".The panda said,"You guys have lived a longer lives and have seen the outside world.It is full of darkness which also have impact on you.You probably have commited some crimes too and have hidden grief about it.But on the other hand we didn't go outside of the village.This is our world.Its full of happiness.So the darkness doesnt have any type of impact on our life.So all we do that we peacefully live here without any problems.Small things occurs in everyones live.Accepting that is comparably easy.Like my grandma died when i was young.So i had some hidden regret which i didnt knew but during my time in search of inner peace i have found same regret bothering me and stoping me from achieving inner piece .Think of it as a river.All your negative emotion are obstacle in path of your way of life and inner peace.In your regular life you can ignore it but in path of inner peace you have to accept and remove every small negative emotion of your life and let the river flow and that's how you   can find inner peace." After talking to the young panda we all came back to our places in the cave.And our path of inner peace begun.We have been conquering china for decades so there is many things i didnt wanna do.So it was a path of suffering.
Do you know who achieved inner peace in the fastest pace among us?
Kai.No really! It took kai   around 35 years  to achieve inner peace .When we saw him doing the water drop balancing trick we understood kai has achieved inner peace.According to killing number and regret i should have been first but because of my previous lifes regret had also piled up into my soul that i needed to accept .To no ones suprise master was the next one to achieve inner peace.I am getting impatient.But every time i dive deep into my soul i see deep darkness.All the people I killed during war ,their faces float in front of my eyes,the horrifying look on their faces when they know their end is near near.Babies crying on their fathers body.Widows crying beside their husbands body.And many more.I thought i have restrain my self enough in terms of killing but in my heart i knew they were probably innocent people and just trying to protect their home and live a simple life.All the look ,wailing made my mind go blank .It was my situation for first 15 years.Point to be noted i have been in war for decade so now you can ask that why didnt it make my nerve solid.I also thought that my mind has become numb to killing .But  during my journey for inner peace i found that my soul was never able to accept all the killing probably because in my past life i was not  a warrior.I belonged from a relatively peaceful country,from a middle class family and had a peaceful and fulfilling life.But in this new world all this killing deeply affected me.Giving me ptsd.It took me 15 years to overcome it by myself.Because it my my problem that i needed to solve myself.Second regrets comes from my past life.I was calm in front of God but  deep down I had many regrets and God knew it.I regret not my parents how much i loved them and wanted to male them proud of me.I couldnt tell my parents thank you for everything they have done for me.I couldnt tell them thank you for staying by my side no matter what the situation was. I wasnt able to see my sister grow up and get married.I wasnt able to say sorry and thank you for every precious moments she has gifted me from her birth.I wanted to earn money to give them a comfortable life but i couldnt.I couldnt tell my friends how much i am grateful to them for not deserting me during my time of need.All this regret piled up in my soul.Then after some more year i started to accept my regrets and every short coming of me .Also all the happy moments l lived with my family,master oogway helped me balancing all the negative emotion in my soul.Traveling with master,his feeding me food,telling me story,travelling with my family,my mother feeding me food,playing with friends,gossiping with them,playing pranks on my sister,getting scolded by my parents because of my mischief ...maybe i wont be able to get those time back to relive them again but i cherish them very much.They were my main motivation and strength.And finally after 45 years,one day one day when i finally dived down into the darkness of my soul the darkness didnt affect me.That day i truly accepted my self in this new world .I accepted myself ,as me.
( Hey author here.Hope you are enjoying this work.Plz let me know if you have any suggetion or any kind of  opinion about my work.I will try my best to improve it.Thank you)