the bizarre misadventures of tristina may

Chapter 2: a day upside down

"YOU DID WHAT??" I SCREAMED OPULENTLY, and started crying. Tears came out of my eyes and snot came out of my nose and I licked the salty goodness with a little smirk in spite of myself. I was kind of into that.

"I sold you to Ron Descanctomonius! He's my favorite influencer. if he has 100 fans i am one, if he has 10 fans i am one, if he has 1 fan i am that fan, and if he has 0 fans im ded. :P"

I was furious, but I didn't want to embarrass myself. Ever since.....*that day*......I've never felt the urge to hurt people with my words. The world is cruel enough already.....

"Fine dad. I appreciate what you're doing for the family."
"Thank you honey. Now, Robert will be your ride to Mr. Sanctomonius's estate."

I hung my head low and trudged out the door with Robert.

out of my peripheral, I saw Robert staring at me as we walked. He seemed different than when he'd arrived. He seemed.......shy.

"Well, here's my old piece of junk," he said, gesturing to a $2B Tesla Model ULTRA 3000.

"Gee, Rob"
I hopped in the car, and it smelled like old cologne and fresh ryegrass.

"What a masculine musk, mmmm"
we drove for 2-3 hours and Robert turned on the radio and started singing along to ice spice.

"he say that im good enough grabbin my duh duh duh"

We finally arrived at Ron's underground base in Florida.

As we drove up, the gravel popped Rob's fragile tires, and we skidded to a halt.

Ron. Descantonomius emerged from a wide rhinestone door with lavish gold and diamond lining and a family crest that read "Desanctomonious Properties".

"What a place, ron. What a place!" remarked Robert as he began sweating profusely under the oppressive heat. "Wow. I'm sweating buckets. Why is it so hot here?
"Well, I decided to move to the region of the US with the most climate change, so I can spread advocacy for it by saying it isnt real." 
"well, well, ronnie-boy ._. that's really selfless of you ! how has that been going for you?"
"err- My laws or whatever haven't been doing particularly good recently. Nice guys always finish last..." ron said bashfully, as he made a sad derpy face.

"Erm...Mr. desanctomonious? Why did you choose to buy me? What do you see in me?" I asked, on my tiptoes because of Mr. Desanctomonious's impressively tall manly height, not to mention his towering posture and grand demeanor, pressing my fingers together in a shy fashion.

"I needed more employees to help me build my weapons of mass destruction," he replied.

"Whoa whoa. Mr Desanctominous? im pretty sure thats against the rules. Aren't you aware that violates multiple international treaties?"
"IDGAF..." he said coolly.

"What type of weapons are we talking here, Ron??" said Robert

"That's a matter for my lawyer . if anyone finds out. So that's why im buying you too Robert. No one can hear of this."
"whoa whoa whoa. Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?? You plan to buy me??" guffawed Robert. "guess you do need a personality transplant."

"my starting offer is $10. Take it or leave it."
"Well if you put it that way, okay. But only because you said it so nicely," said Robert, clearly falling for Ron's charming personality and enchanting magnetism.
I- i- i- I shivered with fear.

I've gotta get out of here! I said in my internal monologue.

"Go in the house and help yourself to homemade calzones and pina coladas," said Ron.

Oh no. this was his trick. Alluring his employees with his motherly enticing habits.
But I needed sustenance if I was going to get home. It would take me at least 3 hours to get home, because I was so frail and weak~~~OwO

So I went inside to procure nourishment.