It's all me

Chapter 1

Trapped. The feeling when you're trapped inside your own body and one of your other personalities is out there, but you don't know what they are doing. Trapped. The feeling when you wake up and see all of the destruction that you were the cause of, but you didn't know you did it. Trapped is the feeling I have felt for almost all if my life. Well not all of it. I am just another body with no meaning or purpose. Sometimes I wonder why I am still alive and on Earth, but then I tell myself off for being so negative. Maybe I am crazy because of all of the times when I talk to myself.

That is my life on a regular basis. I enjoy likening my life to a roller coaster. It has its ups and its downs, or in other words, highs and lows, when one moment I feel on top of the world, and then I feel suicidal with bad thoughts running through my mind. This is like a roller coaster, because there is a steady journey going up, and then all of a sudden you go down.

I had been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and depression at the age of ten. I do believe that I have bipolar disorder as well, but nobody had diagnosed me at that point. Since finding out about my mental health disorders I tried my hardest to stay positive, and think that some people had everything so much worse than me, but I couldn't. I was such a pessimistic person, and that was probably part of the reason that I didn't have any friends. They didn't want to talk and confide in a weirdo, who needed therapy herself.

My name is Rylee Clark, and I am sixteen years old. I have been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and depression like I said before. This is my story of how life was for me, before and after finding out about my mental health disorders, and what I personally thought was the cause of my mental illness. Realising later on that there was a much greater reason that contributed to me being who I am today.

I basically have three different personalities. One is Kamren. He's a teen. An angry, violent teen. He likes swearing and fighting with people when he is out. Although he sticks up for me, he usually makes a mess that I have to clean up afterwards.

My second personality is Dawn. She is three years old, and cries a lot. When she is not crying she is a very shy character who likes to hide away from everyone. Even if she knows them really well.

Then there is Rebecca who is one who is an emo. She enjoys wearing black and immersing herself in her music. She doesn't cause much trouble, so I tend to let her out more often than the others.

Recently I had started wondering if there was another personality that I didn't know of. I think that this one is much more sinister, and has the ability to kill a person, and potentially get me into much more trouble, that would probably cause me to end up in a mental asylum. I needed to be careful, very careful.

This is my story.