A real fucking Enenra (Male Smoke reader x Hellsing abridged)

Ep10

*3rd person pov*

Alucard: "Let me see if I get the grand scheme here, Benjamin Button. The Jerrys thought that if I purged all my souls, I wouldn't have my #LifeHack, and at least *one* of you could kill me. So, when the "very fine people" of the Nazi military, those KKK-lookin' sons of bitches, and Alexander MOTHERFUCKING Anderson couldn't do the job, you thought you...YOU were the guy. But quick question, Jolly Wally: How many people lived in London? Or rather... died? *Snaps fingers, glove glows* Let's take a census! *All the blood in London begins converging on Alucard* LET ME GET SOME SIIIP!!"

Y/N: "You know what!? If we're doing this shit, then were doing this shit!"

The smoke clouds start converging on Y/N.

Major: "Ah, willkommen!", said the spider to the fly. Although I'd say you're more of a hornet- *Gunshots* *Falling magazine* *Major giggles* And unlike its modest brother, the bee, the hornet does not *die* after it has stu- *Gunshots* It guards its nest with the ferocity and the tenacity of a- *Gunshots* -OF A MOTHER WHO IS PROTECTING HER CHILD!"

Integra goes to peirce the shield with her sword but it shatters.

Major: "Okay, if the bullets weren't going to work, then why would the sword?"

Integra: "YOU COWARD!"

Major: "Ah, we all have our shields~ Some of us have tempered glass, others have the King of Vampires and un old ancient demon race... Speaking of whom..."

Integra: "Huh?"

Alucard/Y/N: *Laughing manically on screen*

Integra: "Oh, Jesus..."

Alucard/Y/N: *Still laughing manically*

Major: "Someone's on a binge after purging, and it seems like our deares Alucard and Y/N are looking to get white-girl-wasted. Let's hope that nobody spiked there drink, ja?"

Schrödinger laughing manically as he cuts off his arm and sets it to blaze, then starts gurgling as he cuts his own throat and falls into a canal of blood.

Schrödinger: "EEEEugh...!"

Alucard: "Look at me, Walter! I'm sucking everyone but you! So in celebration of your wasted attempts, I'm going to give you the little death you deserve right after I show Y/N a REAL cuckqueen. And before you ask... YES! This IS a JoJo reference!"

Walter: "I gave up everything to kill you! So just lie back, AND THINK OF HELL!"

He cuts Alucard in half.

Alucard: *Girlish voice* "Ah, yameru, Walter! You're splitting me in two! *Girlish / normal voices overlap* Unfortunately for your puny size, Y/N can do it 3 million more times over!"

Walter tries to cut Y/N, but it just phases through him like smoke.

Major: "Ah, poor Walter... Each second ticks his life down, all to grasp a victory that never belonged to him. A piece of our puzzle... three million, seven hundred und eight thousand, nine hundred und seventeen pieces large. Und now... it falls to Millennium...to finish it."

Integra: "What's going on!?"

Major: *Laughs* "Fräulein, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?"

Integra: "I SHOT Schrödinger's cat!"

Major: "Indeed! And yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, one of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet, to consume a thing is to know a thing. Alucard und Y/N are now partaking of Warrant Officer Schrödinger's paradoxical existence, und as our dear cat-boy stares into the abyss that is within the two...that abyss. Stares. Back. The wave function collapses... uncertainty becomes certainty... the proverbial coin flips... und~..."