Sweet darkness

Seeking Solace Amidst Turmoil

The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased. It can only be accepted.
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Frustrated, I lie on my bed with my face pressed into the pillow. I want to scream; this is so embarrassing. I want to sink into the ground. My thoughts have been circling for hours about what happened: how his lips felt, his body pressed against mine, how he held my hands tightly and, worst of all, how much I enjoyed it. The feelings he has awakened in me since the moment I saw him for the first time suck and are beautiful at the same time.

How am I supposed to face him in the morning, whether he has told his friends, and that his mother burst in? I want to die.

The situation with Descamps was complicated enough, and now this. I would prefer not to go to school anymore so that I don't have to face him or his idiot group with their stupid sayings. And now I can't blame him anymore; I'm giving him the best example with my stupid behavior. It's embarrassing.

Apart from that, I already have enough problems. Anika's weird behavior is back in my head. I shake my head; it probably wasn't her day, and if something had happened, she would say something. I slowly lift my head from the pillow, my gaze wandering around the room. My eyes fall on an open notebook, old, classy, and a bit worn, giving the book an old charm. In it are verses, lyrics from a song, written in my messy handwriting. As I look at the notebook, I remember how I spent most of my childhood with it.

Until one day, it ended up in a locked drawer, gathering dust for years until a few days ago when I could no longer resist the temptation and took the old rusty key to retrieve it. Guess who I have to thank for that... That's right, Joseph Descamps.

He always gives me reasons to hate him since I moved to this village and my eyes fell on that handsome bastard. Everything is going out of control: my worsening nightmares that haunt me at night, keeping me awake; my father; and Jade—God, Jade is driving me crazy. Descamps... I don't have to say much about him. Or the desire to follow my passion, which I pursued in a weak moment like so often recently. Doing that feels like a betrayal of myself and the promise I made to myself.

I grab the book, slam it into the drawer, and shut it violently. My door opens, and Jade stands there, probably having heard the noise. Of all the people in the world, she's the last person I want to see. My eyes still glare at her, still angry about the incident with my father.

"Don't look at me like that, sweetheart. It's not my fault you're such a brat. So, what's going on? I heard a loud bang," she chirps.

I want to throw up. Being called "sweetheart" is even worse than "Kath." No matter how hard she tries, her fake demeanor can be sensed from miles away.

“How am I looking at you, Jade?” I ask innocently. “And even if something was wrong, I wouldn’t tell you. Now get out.” My voice is calm, even though I’m seething inside. I’d love to scream at her. Confusion spreads across Jade’s face, and as she starts to open her mouth, I cut her off.

“Out. Now!” I hiss. When she begins to protest, I get up, push her out the door, and slam it shut in her face. Exhausted from the encounter, I fall onto the bed and immediately fall asleep.

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I’m in the passenger seat of a car speeding down a deserted road in the dead of night. A storm rages outside, with rain pouring down in torrents and lightning illuminating the sky. The wind howls, shaking the car. The driver is a shadowy figure, hidden in darkness. I struggle to see through the windshield, the wipers barely keeping up with the downpour. Suddenly, the car skids on the slick road, and we lose control. The vehicle flips, crashing violently. I’m tossed around inside, the world a blur of metal and darkness. The sound of the crash is deafening, and the sensation of weightlessness is terrifying.

There's a jarring shift in perspective.

Now, I see a small girl shrouded in darkness. Dramatic piano music plays, heightening the sense of dread while Sheet music flying around. A single spotlight illuminates her. She’s wearing a white dress with a pink ribbon in her hair. Her dark brown puppy eyes stare hauntingly ahead. She has an angelic face, long dark brown curls cascading down her porcelain skin, and an ethereal, fairy-like presence.

The scene flickers back to the car. The storm continues to rage, the car's metal frame groaning under the pressure. I feel the crushing weight of guilt and fear as the darkness closes in around me. The haunting image of the girl lingers in my mind, her innocent eyes staring into my soul."why have you done that" this soft angle voice ask that is so Family, My heart races, and my breath comes in ragged gasps . The guilt and fear threatening to consume me.

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hen I wake up again, it's dark outside. My heart is racing, and my hands are shaking as I run them through my hair. It takes a few seconds to realize where I am and that it was all just a nightmare. The images still play out before my eyes: the blood, and the lingering sensation of being close to death. The feeling of guilt seems to suffocate me. I wipe my tears away with trembling hands. My gaze falls on the clock: 8:00 PM. I must have missed dinner, which isn’t much of a loss, though my father probably won’t be pleased. After a hot shower, I return to my bed where a tray with my dinner is waiting.

A note is on the tray: "Only the best for my sweet little one," which brings a smile to my face. "P.S. Anika called." That makes me even happier. Since we've known each other, we talk regularly. With my mouth full of food, I dial her number. After a few rings, I hear her voice.

"Hello, Anika... you called earlier," I mumble with my mouth full.

"Oh, yes," she replies nervously, piquing my interest. "And why did you call?"

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior... for just running off," she says. I laugh softly.

"No problem. Whatever the reason, I'm sure you had your reasons. Do you want to talk about it?"

I hear a sigh of relief on the other end. "Can I come to your house after school tomorrow to explain everything?" she asks hesitantly.

"Of course you can," I reply excitedly. This would be the first time in years that one of my friends comes to my house. Anika and I talk for a while longer about the books we’re currently reading and school, including who annoys us the most.
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Long time no write, which I apologize for as I've had a lot on my plate with final exams and mental health struggles. I'm feeling somewhat better now, which is why I'm starting to write again. However, I'm unsure how frequently I'll be able to post as it depends a lot on my condition, but I'll do my best to provide regular updates.

Feedback is always welcome in the form of comments, and suggestions for improvements are appreciated. I would also appreciate your vote. I've already written the next chapter, so it will be coming out later this week, either tomorrow or the day after.