𝑾𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓

Chapter 10

𝑾𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓

It was meant to be a happy occasion for me to return to the Philippines having to spend years abroad in the US, but instead it felt like going back to a place where I was always held to unreachable standards. Not only were my parents, Eduardo and Carmela, tough, but they were also high achievers who demanded nothing less than excellence from their only child.

At the airport, my parents greeted me in a kind but aloof manner, their eyes already searching for indications of my future success.

As he shook my hand, my father remarked, "Hello and welcome back, Zander," in a certain tone.My mother gave me a mysterious nod of recognition. With a hint of eagerness in her voice, she remarked, "We hope that your experience abroad proved to be beneficial."

I felt the burden of their expectations weighing down on me like a restricting blanket on the drive home. Their voices carried a hint of urgency as they inquired about my intentions for the future, my academics, and my grades.When I got home, I saw a wall covered in certificates and awards that honored my parents' accomplishments. It served as a clear reminder of the expectations placed on me.I found myself continuously trying to earn their respect for the entire evening. Desperate for their approval, I told them about my ambitions for graduate school, my activities outside of school, and my performance in school.

Nevertheless, my accomplishments rarely appeared to be sufficient. Their compliments were always mixed with criticism, and they were constantly looking ahead to the next task they wanted me to complete.I tried everything to get rid of the internal feeling of unworthiness, but it persisted. Though it felt unachievable, I yearned for the love and approval I had imagined finding in my family's arms.

Just to hear those words of comfort from my parents like "Nak we are proud of you" Or "Good job you did great..." But who am i to play my mind in such a way where i know these words would never come out the mouth of parents but atleast those words are my motivation to keep my success in order to make my family proud of me...if not ill crumble..

"Nak, I hope you can see why your mother and I are the way we are. We want the best for you, not for you to fall behind your peers—after all, you wouldn't want others to achieve greater success than you." How bothersome."What is best for me? It's a lot of bullsh!t coming from you both, I thought to myself. I know it wasn't true, I'm not a child anymore, so you can't fool me easily, and you'll never be proud of these accomplishments because they're just meant to give you something to brag about and prove to everyone that you were good parents. I merely replied, "I know...Father," in response to what he had said.