outsiders oneshots!

Others before me- self angst?

This started off as a hurt/comfort fic about Johnny but then just became me trauma dumping so YIPPEEE. Hope you guys enjoy.

Summers in Tulsa consisted of long, hot days, and lots of time spent out in the heat.  There was little for anyone to do. So, the gang and I were just lying around the Curtis brother's house. That was until Johnny, who was covered in bruises ran through the front door.

Almost instantly everyone shot up, running up to him.

"Johnny, what happened?"  Dallas asked, leaning down to look at the dark bruises. Instead of responding Johnny just sat there motionless, zoning out. It looked almost as if he were a zombie.

"You, okay?" I asked him, slightly shaking his arm to motion to him I was there. He still didn't say anything, but he turned his head to look at me. While he did this Darry ran and grabbed the first aid kit, which was always on hand in their household because of all the trouble the boys got into.

"Johnny there going to fix you up, is that okay?" I asked him gently. He nodded his head and reached for my hand, which I quickly offered him. We sat there like that for a while, Darry and the others helping to patch up Johnny. To help I just rambled about random stuff, anything and everything under the sun. Which every once and a while he would nod to.

"There you go Johnny, all fixed up" Dallas said, gently patting Johnny on the shoulder while he stood up.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked him.

"Yes" he said, the first word to come out of his mouth since he had barged in the door.

"Do you want to go to Pony's room and lay down for a bit?" I ask him, knowing that being around the boys can be chaotic and overwhelming at the worst of times. He sat for a moment, seeming to ponder my question.

"Yes, I would like that" he says, nodding. I grab his hand and walk over to Soda whispering to him that me and Johnny will be in his and Pony's room, he nods, and we both walk to the room.

We both sit down on the bed, and I turn to face him. "Want to tell me what happened?" I ask. He sits there for a moment, staring at the blank wall in front of him. He shakes his head, his gaze turning towards me.

"That's okay, I just want to help you Johnny" I reach my hand out to touch him and he flinches. 'No touch?" I say to him. He nods his head, still not saying anything. "That's alright, do you want to lay down and get some rest?" he sits still for a moment before slowly nodding.

"Let's lay down then."  I lay back onto the bed and close my eyes, waiting for him to follow. It takes him a moment, but I feel him lay down next to me. I open my eyes and turn to face him.

"Get some rest Johnny, you deserve it." He stays silent, I lay back down next to him and close my eyes. I knew I couldn't sleep. But I was going to at least stay there until he fell asleep. I knew he needed the comfort of someone being there for him and I was more than willing to offer that.

After a couple minutes I hear his breathing even out, I open my eyes and turn to look at him. I have never seen him this relaxed. Johnny is always very tense, paranoid of everything around him. It's almost weird in a way to see him like this, it feels so out of character.

I get up, being very careful to not wake him up. The house is silent, Johnny is so important to everyone. I haven't heard the house this quiet in years. Part of me misses the chaos that the Curtis brother's house always supplies.

As soon as I get out of the door everyone's eyes fall to me. Instead of asking me a billion questions like I expected, their eyes just scan me waiting for what I'm going to say.

"He's okay, paranoid and shaken up as usual. But he was able to fall asleep" I say. It seems that as soon as I say that the tension leaves the room.

"Thank god" Dallas says, sighing in relief.

I run my hands over my face and walk towards the couch. "He trusts you a lot, you know that right?" Darry says as I sit down.

"I know he does; I just want what's best for him." I speak.

"We all do, trust me. But at some point, you have to put yourself first. It's not good for you to only take care of him you know?" he responds.

I don't say anything, I only sigh and nod my head as a response. I Know everyone is worried about me, but I don't want them to be. Johnny will always come first to me. I don't care how much it destroys me I will always be there for him.

But part of me can't help but wish for things to get better, not only for me but just for all of the boys. I have put so much effort in to help them the most I can because I don't mind putting people's needs before my own. It's just my nature to always care about other people more than myself.

But I will also always wish I wasn't the way that I am.