No Matter What

Piece it all together.

The daylight seeped through, the curtains left opened from the night before. Your blue decorations lit around creating a beautiful tinge against the warmth. The sun matching your blonde hair as I watched you toss and turn. The bed was slept in, by us. Me and you. 

The blue shirt matched with your bedroom. I felt included. I noticed a few things different however, once I had sobered up. One, I was hungover. And two, something had shifted. I felt more aware, more judged. The complex thoughts had decided to inject my brain. 

I began to self doubt. I began to believe that what happened last night didn't really happen. That the kind gestures may had been friendly, the talks were simple chats that I would've had with anyone. The kiss...was it genuine? Did he want that as badly as I did? 

Memories of conversations with warnings began to flood in my head. 

I was sat with Lara in her room, it was the first time coming up in her flat. We all live in the same Accomodation building. Her room was spilt with her bright personality. She was strong and committed to herself and who she was. It was what made me want to be here friend. Someone who wasn't afraid to be themselves. 

Her bedroom was stationed at the end of the hall. Near the kitchen aimed to be shared by the following 4 flatmates. She comes out of her toilet enough to only fit one person only. Barely any standing room and a shower that is constantly flooding itself. 

She sits on her desk chair, swinging it back and forth with her legs up. I am stationed on her bed, my skirt just covering my knees as I finish applying the eyeliner with her small compacted mirror. 

"So who am I supposed to be meeting again?" I question while concentrating. 

She reaches her foot out shuffling her shoes closer to her to put them on.

"So Thomas can't come out with us tonight because he has a course mates thing. Maggie never likes to come out-"

"Can I Join her then?" 

"No! You need socialising my friend. You need to give yourself  credit. Drunk Maisie is a great Maisie! So it will be me, you, Adrian and Christopher. Who you haven't met yet but they are okay." 

"What are they both like?" I ask. 

She swivels round. Her fringe blows to one side. 

"Well Adrain is quite quiet when you first meet him. He is a sweetheart but when he is around boys he tries to be a guys guy if you know what I mean. And Christopher...well he is nice. When he is on his own but around others he becomes a dick."

"Oh great one of those," I reply. 

"He wasn't like that at the start of the year, he had some sort of issue and from then on he just turned. But honestly, just ignore him if he gets like that." 

I pack away my makeup, leaving it on her little love heart seat next to her bed. I ruffle my hair. The shortness creating volume I never knew I had. 

Lara and I adjusted each others outfits, making sure we looked our best together. We were each others mirrors. 

Lara opens the door, she stops me before we follow the noise in the kitchen. Placing a hand on my chest.

"Oh and, don't fuck Christopher. He will see you as an option with the fact you are gorgeous-"

"Thank you but I have someone remember?..."

"Yeah but still...Don't." 

My head is turned to the other side of the bed facing away from you. I feel you stir again, beginning to slowly awaken. The sheer realisation made me shiver.