Unforgivable - Sebastian Sallow x Fem!Reader x Ominis Gaunt

𝕋𝕖𝕟

𝕐/ℕ

That same evening, to my surprise, was filled with a dreamless sleep.

Honestly, I'm not at all sure that I slept. My mind never fully slipped into that unconscious state that allowed dreams and nightmares to run rampant...it was much too crowded and noisy to allow itself to rest. I may as well have been sleeping with one eye open.

There was simply too much to process...too many emotions to try and sort through. 

There was the feeling of validation and triumph that came with Sebastian acknowledging all I'd done for him...acknowledging exactly how much I had given for the sake of his needs and welfare. But that was heavily contrasted by the anguish and anger that flooded through me when he dare suggested I wield that magic once more.

There was a small tinge of hope and flattery associated with him remembering all of my favourite dishes and recollecting our first journey to Hogsmeade together...and there was a roar of disgust and fury as he dared speak about Ominis and I's intimacy in that sultry tone.

There was...the insatiable urge to drown out every single word he spoke, given I could believe none of it at face value. But...there was also the inability to...deny the small hint of truth in some of the things he said.

I am happy with Ominis....I know I am. What woman wouldn't be happy...upholding a successful career, coming home to a beautiful home and a man that loves her? Anyone looking at my life from the outside must have thought I'd won the bloody lottery.

But...there was something missing. I'd felt it since Ominis and I had graduated Hogwarts. I don't believe it was Ominis's intention to squander who I was...he simply wanted to keep me safe...keep me from a path that would inevitably lead to my demise, or worse, the same fate Sebastian had met behind those iron bars. 

I'd long since come to terms with the fact that the adventurous girl I was in my youth was gone now. Never again would I tease death, jump headfirst into battles, go out searching for creatures and dark wizards who would love nothing more than to strip the skin from my bones. It wasn't practical for me to behave in such a way...no way for a valuable member of the Auror department to behave. No way for the wife of an esteemed Hogwarts Professor to behave. 

But...I won't lie and say I didn't miss the way life was then, from time to time. I won't lie and say I never dwelled on the way the adrenaline rush felt as it coursed through my veins. I won't lie and say that that life...isn't an integral part of who I am.

I did miss the sense of adventure and the armour of bravery that came along with it. And, truth be told...I didn't realize just how much I'd missed it...until that encounter with the dementors outside of Azkaban. 

But...I'd never give Sebastian the satisfaction of me admitting such a thing. I was fine...I was functional without him. And he can try and extort me as much as he wants, in whatever manner he sees fit...but there was no way I'd allow my past to haunt me and lead me deeper into that dangerous temptation. 

Except...the past was haunting me. Fucks sake...the bulk of my past lurked just within those chocolate eyes that I felt on me day and night...even when he was nowhere to be seen. 

And...those sobs I'd heard after he sent me away last night...why was he sobbing? Was he hurt by my refusal of help...was he angered by something entirely different? Was there even a purpose in caring anymore?