Hope

Part 3

"Do you know who is down as her next of kin, Mr Stabler?"

3 years ago he would've said him, but now he had no idea. Her life must've changed in the years she'd been without him and he only had himself to blame for that.

"No I don't but it will be in your system, she's a cop. You've got to make sure she gets through this please." Elliot could feel himself shaking involuntarily. "She's going to be okay right?"

"We don't know the extent of her injuries yet Sir, as soon as we do someone will be out to be update you."

The nurse disappeared through some double doors. The double doors which on this other side was his Liv, and he couldn't stay with her to hold her hand. He couldn't fathom what had happened. He couldn't stand that it had taken this for him to come back to her. And now he was here it was probably too late. He noticed dark spots start to cloud the edge of his vision so he backed against the wall for support. He couldn't lose her, not like this. He let himself slide down the wall and put his head between his legs, he needed to stay together for her. He needed to know what was happening. He needed her.

A doctor clattered through the doors and scanned the hallway. He caught sight of Elliot on the floor and questioned if he was Elliot Stabler. He gulped, nodded and quickly stood up.

"Mr Stabler, you're down as Olivia next of kin so I need to ask you some questions before we take her to surgery."

He was still her next of kin? And surgery? Elliot didn't know what to say.

"She has some internal bleeding in her abdomen and we need to get in there ASAP to fix it. She's going to need several transfusions."

Elliot nodded again, struggling to process what the doctor was saying.

"Are you happy for us to proceed Mr Stabler?"

"Yes" He said quickly "please... please do whatever it takes to save her."

The doctor nodded and turned to go back through the doors but Elliot quickly spoke before he left.

"Can I see her before you take her?"

The doctor turned back apprehensively.

"please?" Elliot added, begging the doctor to let him have just a moment with her.

"Just a moment but then we have to take her to surgery immediately. Do you understand Mr Stabler?"

Elliot nodded and followed the doctor through the double doors. The placed smelled of anti sceptic and disinfectant and it made him shudder. He hated hospitals, and he'd been in them one too many times. The doctor led him to where Liv was lying on a gurney with tubes and machines hooked up to her. She was still unconscious and the flurry of activity around her seemed erratic in comparison to how still she was.

The doctor led him in and gestured towards her. Elliot took her hand and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"I'm here Liv. I'm here and I'm not leaving until you come back to me." He felt a prang in his chest and his eyes dampening.

"You've got to come back to me Liv okay? You've got to get through this. You're Olivia Benson for crying out loud- no one is stronger than you. You've got to fight Liv. I need you to fight. I need you."

The last words choked in his throat and he kissed her forehead one more time. Then without thinking he whispered something so quietly he wasn't even sure it had left his lips. The second before they'd pulled him back and taken her away to surgery he'd felt himself whisper "I love you."

Deep down he knew it was true. He knew he'd been hopelessly and desperately in love with her since the beginning but he'd never once admitted it to himself out loud.

He couldn't stand the waiting. It was tearing him up. He hasn't let himself get angry yet. He hadn't beaten the life out of Lewis because he needed to help Liv. He knocked him out as fast as he could so he could get her out of there. But now the anger had started to seethe through him.

The images of when he'd walked into the warehouse kept flashing through his head and the smug look on that pricks face made his blood boil. He deserved to die for what he'd done to Liv. Elliot's knuckles had turned white he was gripping them so hard. He couldn't take. He couldn't sit here waiting for her to die. He needed to do something- to make Lewis pay for what he'd done. He grabbed his coat and stormed towards the hospital exit.

Just as he got outside the doors he saw Cragen, Fin and the rest of the SVU squad approaching. Cragen could see by the look in Elliot's eyes he wanted to break something, and he could assume that something would be Lewis. They all wanted him dead but instead they had to settle for him being locked in a cage for now.

"Elliot" Cragen called his name but Elliot tried to stride past.

"Elliot stop man. Liv needs you." Fin stuck his arm to stop him and tried to reason with him.

"I can't sit there and wait for them to tell me she's gone. He needs to pay for what he's done."

"And he will Elliot. But if Livia wakes up and your not there because your in a jail cell for wailing on Lewis, then she's the one who pays- again. Do do that to her man."

Fin had placed both his hands on Elliot's shoulders to stop him walking away. Elliot knew what Fin was saying was right but he didn't think he had it in him just to sit and wait. He didn't know how do cope with feeling so hopeless.

"I just.. I can't" Elliot's words were getting caught in his throat. Fin signalled for the rest of the unit to go ahead into the hospital. In the time he'd known Elliot he'd rarely seen him like this, and it was almost always when Liv was hurt.

Fin pulled him in and slapped him on the back, the most masculine of an embrace you could expect, the only way it would come from Fin. Elliot coughed a few times to try and suppress the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Livia needs you man. She needed you three years ago but you can't change that so be here now. You're her family like the rest of us Elliot, some years apart don't change that." Fin had watched the guilt eating Elliot alive since the second he'd come back, and as much he thought Elliot deserved it for how much he hurt Liv when he'd left- he knew Liv loved him, they all did. So, he couldn't let him walk out on her again- not when she was going to need her family round her more than ever.

"You good?" Fin asked

Elliot took a deep breath and stood a bit taller before nodding.

"let's go see what's happening then."

Fin put a hand on Elliot's shoulder and guided him back into the hospital.