my teacher is mine

this story is 3 chapter in one

① We all made mistake but rarely when we admit it Now, I'm a good student that take care of her studies, family but in the first Place I have made my relation with Allah within him I wouldn't be whiting now. Anyway, 2 years ago, I was in first year in high School I wasn't interested in guys but once I got into that teenage phase I got wild and lose control on my studies, and I got dad's approval (; my dad's approval was for my classmate not strangers) I start made friends (male one's), now. I'm regretting it, I was happy or I looked happy. it was all an illusion Time pass, we grow up of course our mind changes, we become well prepared. to face life but I wasn't - I admit it I mean how can someone want success without Allah's support and help Now I'm in the last Year of high school. I repeated the year due to my ignorance to my studies. me being careless about  my studies- I was like  my parents  are strict they don't love me they keep force me to study for the whole years I got stressed out the I start looking for love, attention but none of that was real I just wasted time and ruin my mind with this ideas I used to be stressed with social anxiety and Difficulty speaking in front of everyone but Due to my English teacher support (Ghazi) I become confident to speak he give me opportunities to talk in front of people he encourage me to write my feelings and my ideas I used to be a writer in an applications but I haven't give my stories to someone he is such a great teacher I won't deny it.
Maybe someday this story went viral and people will Know that teachers have an affection on our life and it depends on our behaviors not theirs I’ve seen a lot of those situations.

Talking about that, it reminds me of two of my teachers French and Arabic, well first of all our fresh teacher is new in the school, Gentle, kind guy and he have that masculine aura he deserves to be respected, he treats us well but I don't know why my classmates well they got brave and keep disturbing him just like toddlers. As result he got mad, he had the right to be mad, they deserve to be punished sometimes. (Same Goes with all teachers and students) teacher deserve Respect.".

Second, Arabic teacher he is a total jerk that's what they say I don't judge-according to students they think that he is a racism, pervert but as I say "Never judge a book by its cover”, my classmates always disrespect him, annoy him, I mean he is a teacher after all he deserve respect. "behaving Students is away harder than teaching them"  This lead to another story that happened, the day our French teacher didn't came for certain reason instead a female young woman came, she was good with us _ according to my mom She used to be my newborn she is a nice girl even  though I don't know her well - Anyway  they made fun of her ,her style and her hair but wait who they are to judge her without even knowing her they  just met her, we don’t have to judge someone who we just met , thinking about that made me realize how jerk my classmate are I've always been on teachers side, no matter
People can be hard to behave especially teenagers’ students as example .as a student. I can see how my classmates treat teachers they don't give them the respect that they deserve, they disturb the teacher even if he treats them well. I mean there's no respect to the teacher or the classmates. they interrupt him, there's a lot of ways to behave student or- as they say-earn their attention.
1.if they don't shut up to you can stand silently So they feel guilty,
2. if they interrupt someone give them the word that might make them. 
3. You can give then pop-up questions
There is a lot of tips but I can give one when I become a teacher I'll return to that part.
Good teacher exists and we have to respect them no matter what.
Anyway, these stories made us understand that our behavers affect us and, also teachers have affection on our life and it's always in a positive way for sure.
My English teacher was the first one I talked about my failure and he said something that I would never forget, he said: failure means new chances, new year...." actually this teacher made me realize how good I am at journaling, at telling and talk in public. I got all of these opportunities I even got two certificates that made him proud of him, because of his support.
The failure made me realize my goals. at first, I had nothing. I was lost now I'm found I start make my goals list Wish list and a lot of things that made me happier I understand the important of programming and setting goals.
In addition, we have to make up our relation with Allah, our family and teachers. I
used to pray but not every day and on time.
Now I pray right on time, I also pray Nawafel. and tahajud even Night prayer I earn mind, soul piece. start begin my days happily and in positive expect for period days it feels bad when you can hear Adhan and you know you are not allowed to pray. All day were sufferance, mood swing body pain and so on.... but anything from Allah is good I always treat my period days like a relaxing day I force myself to pray for the whole 28days and rest for the 6days
I used to be bad to my parents - not as bad as you know I just wasn't aware of my actions, and I was so wrong about them I admit it I know that I was wrong. I always to take care of them but I've never show that to them, I had that attitude of taking care without showing interest but deep inside I would die to know every single details. third I'm not that good student, with good behaviors and all, I used to hate School since elementary until a sweet man came, he is a teacher, he made me realize how good I'm and how study can be exciting school can he was giving me candy and treat me well.
③ My dad and get in juried. I get upset but I pretend that I'm good and strong as they Say but I'm Powerless Infront of my parents weakness or Sickness  I preferred to take care of my dad instead of focusing on my studies but I tried hard to balance and mom once got abortion-accidently- due to hard work that she does and it feels bad  to be the last one who knows it made me sad but since then I'm always king care of her, I'm not going to lie that it feels like I'm the only one who take care of my siblings and parents just like a second mother but that's something I'm proud of and happy  at least I’ll be a good mother to my kids
④ relation with Allah become stronger I decided to wear hijab, I've thought about it long time ago but mom refuse - I know this isn't an excuse - but I'm in; I hope Allah encourage me to the Islamic dress code. Here I got a lot and differences opinions illogical ones such us
Since when you are Muslim?
Why you are Wearing hijab
did you get in Islam?
others compliment me, I liked it they gave me energy to keep moving forward.
one girl of my class was like why you are wearing that? take it off? you are making me feel guilty? here we can answer her by Quote (Phrase), I'm doing that for my akhirah not for dunya or for you
besides I regret my past life including like how I used to do my hair my clothes and others ....

Being close to Allah made me realize how good my life can be with Allah, I was desperate, always lost now I become addicted to praying on time, Reed Koran and following Allah messages, no one can see the affection of prayers they Can see the outside   my face become clearer, no black Halos, due to fasting, praying, listening to Islamic lessons I've got more comfortable more and more. School gets really fun I’ve got skills and Respect, it's crazy how hijab give you power, respect and feels special among people 
It made happy that I'm unique. *God made me realize my mistake so I'll learn and back to him. sure, he'll reward me on my changes by a good life, good man"
To be a strict Muslim girl with a faithful heart to Allah I had to do stuff technically force myself to do things to be better, there some tips (stories):
1 You have to regret all the mistake you have done.
2 choose the right way (العريف المستقدم)
3/ change your community, Society, yourself.
4/ face your bad fears change your habits with good ones.
5/ Avoid as much as you can of haram stuff such as "loving a boy in an appropriate concept we Say haram relationship" which is due to lack of attention that a person gets
- the wizarld Liz Tam Kaur Omar Olaudah, Yasin El Omari and Finjan Podcasts those helped me to improve my self-trust my appearance, made me productive and close to Allah and to my soul to be the best version of yourself you have many things to do such us:
1/set goals your purpose of life
2/avoid toxic people (those who underestimate you make fun of you and pull bad jokes…)
3/get close to Allah by praying and making duaa
4/ get close to your family and make good friends
5/read more write more scroll less
6/discipline this is the important tips you have to focus on
Life can be hard but with Allah’s encourage and support and our energy that we have to keep it positive and always high we have to believe what we say it may come true  remember it’s never too late also what you believe you will achieve as long as you work for it .in addition you have to accept your insecurities because it’s what makes you different and perfect  I used to get bullied in school _elementary so it doesn’t matter _because of the acne under my nose but it’s a blessing Allah gave me to make me unique among people and maybe he give it to me as a mark so when it’s come to akhirah I have my own award I don’t know الله يفعل يخلق ما يشاء متى شاء  kids always ask me  or say oh no you are  ugly but that wasn’t the true me I didn’t even care in my heart I knew that god made me special than them unique and my point from telling that is no matter what accept what makes you different its hard at first but as long as you think in a confident way you’ll be proud and satisfied .
You still young but you just need to find the right way to follow look at me I used to look for attention and attention by texting guys I got disgusted every time I remember that  once I got a dream or what we call a vision that was about hijab and a lot of things so for sure the next morning I wore it I didn’t think a lot I took the shots right away , and about boys I read a quote that say “a real man will give you marriage a loser will give you zina “ so I start praying Allah for a good man beside that a lot of people compliment that I’m pretty they don’t know that I pray thajjud and night prayers those made me comfortable and prettier I become more cast down  sometime I cry when I hear the call to pray fajr cry in duaa and so on anyway ‘’ it’s never too late to fix yourself Allah’s forgiveness doors are always open ‘’
One day I realized that I’m in the right way to Allah or to guarantee my akhirah by fasting praying calling Allah by his different names donation they say good deeds delete bad sins I even blocked all the guys in m accounts I promise Allah not to do anything that is opposite to my din Islam ….  I'm good on my own I'm not going to say that I don't need a man sure I need one but Allah  will send one on the right time and the night way  and I guess miller is the one he is a teacher of my favorite subject at first I didn’t care about him but I guess I fall for him but I didn’t want to approach him in an inappropriate way instead I pray Allah to make him mine if he is the one .mr miller is handsome masculine more than anyone he respect everyone he always look at me he made me blush but I can’t take my eyes out of his he is a gentle man Mr. Miller can be scary sometimes _ I hate when some one gets angry _ with a dark aura but I can’t take my eyes out of his , sometimes he stars at me I star back but I’m a shy person so I don’t keep long eye contact and I don’t want to commit a sin so I pray Allah to make him every day every sing night prayers   but actually I don’t know if he loves me or not because most of my teacher look at me due to my energy and productivity in class my teacher are almost like my friends but Mr. miller he is something special he have that gaze that make me drawn in his features he is kind to me too I guess he can read people he know if I’m tired or sick I always write on the board for him I enjoy it actually because it give me skills in writing on the board and most of my teachers admit that I have a good hand writing on the board .
I like Mr. miller I might be loving him but if I did ill betray my din my din is very dearer to me I’m not saying that  love is forbidden in Islam but I just don’t want a haram relationship  if it will be something between us I want it in the hallal way me and him my family I want everyone to know that he is mine not just me and him , if I was the old me I will do it but now I’m a good Muslim strict girl I refuse anything that is the opposite of my Islam now I don’t look for  a temporary love ,attention , kindness I want it to be forever , also I don’t look for tools to make him loves me instead I’m praying to god to make him mine , make him my hallal and I pray god to make him the one for me to encourage him in his carrier in his life and everything I don’t want to get him in the wrong way and it won’t last I rather have him in the hallal way , a way that me and god and him knows that it will last forever. Mr. miller is a good guy but I’m just afraid that I got him wrong and he is married or his looks are normal to me those thoughts make me think billion time before think about him in my salah I can't imagine how life would be with him around in a hallal way readers don’t get me wrong anything I say about any touches or any contact is in hallal I mean when he be come my husband and I’ll be his wifey with those little kiddos oh that’s so sweet anyways  , my classmate always got mr miller mad then act like they are innocents and I hate that .
Mr. miller and other are Kind to us they respect us but they don't do that if I had à chance to talk to Mr. miller o would give him things or tips to make those people shut down it’s not like I'm inferring him or underestimate his job but just as a student I know what scared them most grades and their ego in front of others I can assure that I can protect Mr. miller I'm always in the side of my teacher rarely in the other side you may think that I'm being selfish or something like that but it's quite the opposite I love Mr. miller  .
also, all teacher deserves respect and no matter what they do it for us they have nothing to lose make a lot of efforts for us so the least we can do is give them respect.
Also you wont achieve your aims without Allah’s support .