Aim to Please (wlw)

ch. 25 • change

Throbbing. Heartbeat strumming a bass line against my teeth. Languidly satiated muscles, weak and sore, but loose.

A gnawing emptiness clawing against the raw wounds of low self-esteem. Disgust and angst making love under my diaphragm and casting a slimy ick throughout my veins.

"L—Laurie?" I whimpered softly. I forced my eyes open and looked around, but she was nowhere to be found. "Laur?"

A note was left on the pillow beside me. My hands shook as I picked it up and assessed my girlfriend's scrawling cursive.

Mon cheri,

I am out getting your favorite breakfast from that cafe near the office. Be back soon— hopefully before you wake up.

I love you, my perfect girl.

— L

Doubt still chewed my mind like cud and I curled up into a ball under the covers. Seconds felt like hours. I was unable to blink much and my eyes dried quickly, stinging and itching. Yesterday, I was so full— in many ways. Today, I felt...disorientingly empty.

A small ruckus from the main area of the flat startled me. The familiar sound of Laurie's rhythmic footsteps soothed my fear. I quickly found myself yearning for her touch, her voice, her smell—

"Mackenzie, it is time to get up, my love," she sang.

I sat up and pulled the covers down my body. "Laurie," I whined pathetically.

She was by my side in a flash, concern flooding her features, confusion clouding her steely gray eyes. I collapsed sideways into her arms and shook my head repeatedly. She hushed me softly, rocking me side to side.

"Tell me all about it, Mackenzie."

I shrugged. "I— I don't know," I murmured lamely, nuzzling into her chest. "I feel so...so empty."

"Empty how?"

I squirmed. "Useless. Uncomfortable. Disgusting...Just— sad?"

Laurie hummed and nodded. She patted my shoulder and I inched away from her regretfully, watching her as she shuffled around her room. My ears perked up as the sound of running water rushing into the clawfoot tub behind the shared wall.

"Come with me, my darling," Laurie coaxed softly.

I followed her into the steamy bathroom, inhaling eucalyptus and tea tree vapor.

"I am going to undress you, okay? Then, I will sit on the edge of the tub with you while you soak," she murmured softly. "Is that alright?"

I nodded, embarrassed at the child-like treatment. She peeled off my spaghetti strap tank, then helped me shimmy out of my boy shorts. I stood there, bare, in front of the woman who worshiped me with nothing but pure love—

And I felt unworthy.

"Hey, hey, hey," Laurie cooed, thumbing the tears from my cheeks. "Mon cheri, you are just...off kilter. Please, please sit in the bath."

The warmth of the water qualmed my anxiety, ever so slightly. I eased back against the tub and loosened my shoulders. Soft classical filtered through the air.

"I'm sorry, Laur..."

"No, no. You have done nothing wrong," she chided. "You experienced a lot...of emotions yesterday. Think of it as...a rollercoaster."

"What goes up...must come down?"

She nodded. "And the higher it goes, the harder it falls."

Laurie took a fluffy washcloth and soaked it in the water before squirting a eucalyptus mint bathing gel onto it. She massaged the cloth until it was covered in foam, then slowly drug it across my shoulders. Each pass she made from shoulder to shoulder caused me to slip further into a state of relaxation.