ACCLIVITY(Being Revised)

Forbidden Pain Relief

“Dear Amnesia,

What did they expect from me? How does one cope with something no one knows about? I couldn’t possibly understand the crawling under the skin. The lightning in my veins, the coldness on my lips because of the numbness inside my head.” 

I snapped awake as electricity wrapped around my neck. I fell off the bed and crawled to the living room with blotchy vision. They weren’t back from wherever they went. Panic gripped me as I started to lose my mind. I lunged at the black bag tucked under the couch. 

There has to be something. I just need something. My throat was starting to close off and I fumbled blindly in the dark until my fingers wrapped around a bottle. I shook it, sure enough it was small clear tablets.

I dropped one in my palm and immediately recognized it. The blue transparent pills you tuck under your tongue. NeuroModulon. I shuddered as I contemplated the decision but I was stung again with the throbbing pulsing pain between my vertebrae. I plopped it under my tongue without an extra thought. 

It sizzled and dissolved as I knocked my skull back in relief against the glass window panels. The city lights were the only light that illuminated the room. I dumped five pills into my hand and placed the bottle in the bag. I’ll help myself to it later if need be.

I stumbled half blind to the bed. I fell into the sheets in complete ecstasy. I smiled, it’s been awhile since I had a clear break from it all. The emptiness, the settling agony and creeping madness.

The grinding click of a lighter had me jump up, Specter.

“I’m back,” he announced blatantly, “you took the pills, I’m back.”

“I forgot you’re part of the package.”

“That means you’re going to stop taking them right.”

“No,” I sat on the bed stunned, “I have someone to talk to now.”

“You’re making a mistake, you don’t want to talk to me.”

"It’s better than pain and petting walls,” I hissed as color was sucked out of my face. I approached the mirror in the bathroom to see why I felt my cheeks go numb. I looked white as a ghost. My eyes brightly bloodshot, my pupils large.

“You look wonderful,” he sauntered around the shadowy bathroom.

What have I done, I’ll never be able to let go of these capsules of blue. I dangled my cupped hand over the toilet. My entire arm was shaking.

“Get it over with,” he sneered.

“It’s not that simple,” I whispered, closing my fingers over them. I dropped them into my pocket.

“It never is. Never will be,” he spoke in a sing-song way.

I squeezed my eyes shut and draped my hands over my nose and mouth, for god sake feel something. I thought blank minded. Someone opened the front door and I immediately flushed the toilet to pretend I was just using the toilet. 

“Anna?” Tbor dragged his feet towards the bathroom. He swung his shirt off, he had a brand new bandage over his shoulder. That was probably what kept them out so long.

“Where’s Pin,” I lightly muttered.

He looked at me unimpressed, “you should be sleeping, you look dreadful.”

“Thank you for that.”

“He went shopping today, he should’ve been back.”

“Shopping?” I scoffed, surprised.

“Yes, shopping,” he pointed at the bedroom, “go to bed.”

He demanded like I was a child, I was far from it. I’m stubborn. I'll give him that. 

“I’m not tired,” I explained again.

“You have to be,” he tilted his head as we dredged up this conversation for a second time. He quickly approached me and examined my eyes, “did you take something-”

“No?” I twisted my head away from his hand holding my chin.

“You’re pupils are huge-”

“I didn’t take anything-”

“Alright,” he hesitated and I disappeared back into the room. He walked away from my view and I heard him unzipping the backpack. I heard the pill bottle rattle. My stomach lurched. Hopefully they don’t count the tablets. 

He seemed convinced, he never came racing into the bedroom. Specter dramatically dragged a sleeve over his forehead, “phew, thought he had you there,” he was taunting me. 

I rolled my eyes and placed my head down on the pillow, “go to sleep-” I slapped a hand over my mouth. I didn't mean to respond out loud.

“I don’t sleep,” he grumbled, dabbing the ash off the end of his cigarette.

Tbor popped his head in the room, “who are you talking to?”

“Myself,” I lied with slurring words.

He didn’t leave right away, he stood there uncomfortably. I'm sure his instinct is sharp enough that he knew he was missing something. Specter was basically standing directly beside him, it was unsettling. Tbor tapped the doorframe forcing himself to not ask further questions and left me to my own world.

Specter took a leap towards me and I curled into a ball and dug my face into my palms to hold back a shriek. He rotated a knife that lifted up a strand of my hair. He wasn’t really touching me, my hair wasn’t on a knife, there was no real knife. My mind is so contorted, what’s reality anymore?

“I’m not making this easy for you,” hissed, his smoky breath hot on my cheek, “Enjoy the pain relief.”