I Can Hear Your Strength (A Heartstopper FanFic -- BOOK 3)

20. Forever

He came home just in time for Christmas.

By then, Nick's leg had a scar to match his stomach and he saw more of his therapist than he did of his boyfriend. Or even his mum, it felt like some days.

Things were better.

Or at least getting there.

That was what Andrew and Sarah and Julio and Tara kept telling him.

It was just difficult to feel that way when he was only permitted to see Charlie once a week and when he did, Charlie seemed determined to pretend to be cheerful. Nick knew why he did it because he was doing the same. The last thing he wanted was to turn their visits into yet another thing for them both to cry about. He wanted to bring with him joy and comfort and good things only.

And each time, when they had to part, it didn't necessarily get easier but it got less... heart-wrenching. A bit less, anyway. Even Charlie kept telling him "Just a little longer. I'll be home soon. Things are getting better."

Nick always felt so selfish whenever Charlie told him those things. Wasn't he the one in need of reassurance? But Nick reminded himself of what his therapist and his mum kept telling him, that he was going through this too. Whatever hurt Charlie, hurt him. Whatever helped Charlie, helped him.

When he wasn't driving four hours there and back with the Springs to visit Charlie or sitting in Andrew's office, Nick was throwing himself into school. Form had become unbearable almost immediately. On his very first day back he'd had to excuse himself even before Mr Farouk could finish explaining why he'd replaced Mr Lange.

He'd found himself in Mr Ajayi's art room. It was empty, considering Mr Ajayi had a form of his own to take care of, but Nick had sunk between the cabinets and let himself cry somewhere that wasn't his bed for the first time in a week.

Behind his eyelids, if he let them fall shut for too long, lay that basement room. Lay Felicity and the guards. Lay Charlie, cut and bruised and afraid. Lay Charlie, seizing from some unknown poison running through his veins. Lay Charlie, cold and grey inside a chest freezer. Lay Charlie, bleeding out in Nick's arms on a forest floor. Lay Charlie, face down in a lake, a bullet in his chest.

Lay Charlie under the bed as Kane trained a gun on him.

Lay Charlie.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

"Nick! They're here!"

Nick jerked awake. He blinked. He was curled up on the Springs' sofa, though he had no memory of even sitting down. Nick and Tori had wanted to go with the others to pick Charlie up, to bring him home, but Jane and Julio had insisted they went alone. Besides, Nick would have had to miss his therapy appointment and it had turned out to be a good session this week.

Things were better.

Despite the nightmares.

Nick hurtled to the front door, and, Tori at his heels, flung the door open.

And here he was. Charlie turned away from the boot of his dad's car, his luggage in hand. His hair was longer, his comfy cardigan looser on him. He looked tired. Exhausted really. But then he smiled.

And then he let his bags fall to the pavement and then he was running and then he was in Nick's arms. Nick bundled him up and swung him in a circle, his face buried in the warmth of his shoulder. He smelt a bit like a hospital but beneath that, he still smelt like Charlie. His Charlie.

"Hi," Charlie murmured, his voice muffled by Nick's shoulder.

"Hi." Nick closed his eyes tight and breathed him in -- and nothing lay in the darkness there now. Nothing bad anyway. "Oh my God, I missed you so much." He squeezed him tighter, not ever wanting to let go again.