The Untamed Anger

For Better or Worse

One week has passed. I knew he was against the long journey I have planned. Yet, he didn't give any other better suggestions like he used to. He was fully absorbed in his own problem that he lost his insights on his own wife's situation. After all that happened last week, I had to do something, because a wife should be there for better or worse.

My mind was set, and I headed straight to Mom's place from my work place. It was a two-hour drive. 'Come what may, I will endure,' I said to myself.

Assuming that Sean's mood was back to normal, I arrived Mom's place slightly nervous, right on time for dinner. Leann opened the door for me, and we both headed towards the dining table. Sean was there, still eating. There was an empty seat next to him, coincidently empty it seemed.

Before I sat down next to him, I followed Mom as she fussed around to get me a meal from the kitchen. Slowly placed myself next to him, I kept my gaze down all the time. We didn't talk much, but I was very cautious with my words, my voice, my movement. Sean pretended as if nothing happened, as if I was not really there, breathing next to him.

I tried to make small conversation, with my voice so soft I couldn't even hear myself. Tried to crack some small jokes, but mostly to calm my own nerves. Leann and Mom were observing us but pretended not to witness anything. Everyone was very cautious, as if getting ready for any new scene that hopefully wouldn't erupt.

After dinner, I spent some time with Leann and her toddlers. Mom joined us for some light chat before retreating to bed. Sean, as usual, was hanging out in the courtyard with Zack and Dad. Their activities were mainly smoking while surfing the Internet from their smartphones, not really discussing any important stuff, for all we cared.

Exhausted to the brim, I found my way to our bed. It was almost midnight. About an hour drifted in slumber, Sean came into the bedroom, as quiet as a mouse like always. He always thought I wasn't aware of his presence in the room, but he was wrong. The female counterpart is always the light sleeper, guys should know that.

I was too tired to turn and hug, but it seemed that we missed each other regardless of our denial in speech. Sean never let me go in his sleep, his body always found its way to clutch me in his arms. His every move woke me up, and at times I was smiling to myself, and it calmed me down in slumber.

The next morning, Sean obediently packed his things and followed me to the long journey northbound, to my mother's hometown. I knew, he was trying his best to keep his thoughts and discontent to himself.

Along the way, there were heavy traffic and it got worse as we covered more miles. At some point, there were road bullies who made us victims of their unconditional rush. Without warning, Sean hit the horn in front of me, "HONKKK..!!" and cursed like mad to the driver who wasn't aware nor care of what was done.

I only managed a sigh, as usual. 'I really need to get a hailer, next time. What's the point if only me had to hear all his gibberish curses? The person he's angry on had no clue at all!' My mind kept nagging the same old thing every time the same incident happened.

Not long after that, he started his usual act - the angry face, the sudden dissatisfaction, the harsh words, the disgruntle, the act of punching the air expressing the anger. The next 30 minutes were filled with his complaints on how bad my plan was for this whole trip.

"Your excuse of visiting Mother is so ridiculous! We are going back next weekend for the festive season, anyway. We don't have to go there today! You are so bad at planning, such stupid plans you made!" He ridiculed every angle of my plan for the weekend. I was stunned and upset, but I kept silent and focusing on the road.

'Be calm. Focus. Ignore everything he is saying. Don't respond. You are wrong, just accept it. He will fall silent after he's tired.' The mind tried to console the heart.