EX-PLICIT

Chapter Four

It's nearing the end of my first week here at my new school. So far my favorite classes are Music, Art, and English. Evan is still ignoring me which, I'll admit, bugged me a lot at first, but now it's just another annoying thing about him I've have to learn to live with. He's only in one class of mine; Music. I've learned if I act like I'm ignoring him as well, he tends to act concerned.. almost like he's curious what he did but is pretending not to care. I like thinking that he cares even if it's only a small percentage. I have no idea why I care. I shouldn't. I know that.. yet, still.. I can't help but think about him sometimes. Right now, I'm super excited to see my dad. He's supposed to come visit me tonight in the community room. We can have visitors Monday and Wednesday nights, 7pm - 10pm. I just hope he doesn't bring his wife. She's the one who wanted me out of 'HER' house, out of 'HER' life, and away from my younger brother, who I guess, she thinks I'm going to corrupt into being just like me in every single way, and we can't have that as she absolutely hates me. Just thinking about this makes me roll my eyes without even realizing I did that in front of Chris. Chris is one of Evans friends and apparently my roommates brother. I had no idea about that until sometime yesterday evening when I overheard a conversation between Chris, my roommate Daisy, and the group homes director, whom I recently found out is named Evelyn. She's the main boss. She's higher up than everyone else I've met here. She doesn't live here and she only comes in when she feels it's necessary. I'm just glad she's been nice to me so far. I also met another girl who lives in my hall. Her name is Claudia and according to her, she's here for doing too much ecstasy drugs in her bedroom at her house. Her parents did a surprise inspection of her room and found her stash of hidden drugs. More than a couple different kinds apparently. Some of the staff members have been gossiping about her, saying that she's going through withdrawals and to just give her some time, that she'll be better soon.

I hear a loud chime sound and realize it's the community rooms wall clock ringing to alert all of us that visiting hours have started. I instantly get a weird nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Hmm... Maybe I'm nervous? I shake my head in denial and grab the journal and pen I've been keeping since I got here. I've written some journal entries and some random poems about my feelings at that moment. Not my best, but it's just a coping mechanism. I run back to my room and grab a book I started reading. It's called "What Happened To Lani Garver?" By Carol Plum-Ucci. I tuck it under my arm and head back to the community room. I look around but still don't see any of my family so I just take a seat on an empty couch. It's 7:56pm when I see my dad enter the community room. He looks around, notices me, and walks over to give me a hug.

"Hi Dad" I mumble into his shirt. He breaks away from the hug, takes a seat on the couch next to me and says "Hi sweetie. How are you doing?" I look up and then to the side, giving him some indication that I'm thinking. "I've been better but I've also been worse so, I really can't complain." He starts to chuckle and then he gives a nod towards the doorway. Darn it. I knew it was too good to be true that he'd come visit me without his wife. She's super tall and glides over to where we're sitting. She gives a one handed wave in my general direction, my dad scootches towards me, which makes me scoot further away from him until there's enough room for her to sit where my dad was just sitting. "So, how are we doing today?" She pipes up. I bite my tongue to keep from saying directly what I was thinking at that moment. Which was 'WE?! don't you mean how are you, as in me, doing today? Since when did you start living here as well?!' but I didn't let the words leave my mouth. I just said quietly "I'm doing alright. How's my baby brother doing?" She went on and on about him for the next 30 minutes. She talked about everything; from his weight gain to his height change, from his hair color changing in the sun to his eye color changing in the cold air. She even started to say which brands of diapers he might be allergic to, when my dad cleared his throat, whispered "that's enough about him for now.. okay honey? She grimaces and glares her eyes towards my father before plastering on a fake "happy" smile and turning to look back at me again. It's 8:30pm and I already wish the visit was over...

What feels like forever turns out to be just a little over an hour when the director announces: "Alright families, visiting hours will be closing soon. Start saying your goodbyes and wrapping things up, please." My father, turns and gives me a side hug. "Bye sweetie, it was great seeing you. Hopefully I'll be able to get off work early and come visit you again really soon. Love you!" He then gives me a wet kiss on my cheek and stands up. As they're leaving, I stand up off of the couch and start walking to my room. On the way out of the community room, I softly bump into Evan. "Hey" he says awkwardly while staring at me. I start to feel awkward too so I just nod and say "Uh, hey? What's up?" He looks at me with more surprise than I've ever seen.. Which only confuses me more. He starts to open his mouth to say something but I'm just too tired and irritated to stand here being gawked at by him, of all people, so I instantly turn and walk toward my room. I knock 3 times and with no response, open the door and shut it as firmly but quickly as possible without letting it slam. I lie on my stomach on top of my bed covers and sigh into my pillow. I'm so over today, I think to myself before getting under the covers and falling asleep.