TRANSFER. | PAIGE BUECKERS.

05.

i woke up friday morning to my phone vibrating. four times. almost at once. i groan, grabbing my phone. my eyes squint as the harsh light hits my face.

azzi35 has started following you.
kamoreaarnold has started following you.
nika.muhl has started following you.
aaliyahedwards_03 has started following you.

my eyes widen. i get having paige follow me, but all of them? the feeling of shock is quickly replaced with guilt, knowing in just a couple of hours somebody will find out, post it, and it'll be a big deal for a couple of days. i love the people who support me, but that doesn't mean i love the way they watch me under a magnifying glass. it's hard to make connections with anyone anymore because if they're seen with me then they're bound to be watched too. i sigh, pushing this thought to the back of my mind. be grateful i tell myself. i turn over, looking at rosslyn. she's gonna freak when i tell her this.

"hey ross" i speak, my voice raspy and quiet. "look at who just followed me" she's puzzled for a moment, looking at me quizzically before i turn my phone screen. her mouth drops as the light of my phone hits her face.

"holy shit" she giggles, "boyyy the groupchat is talking about YOU." she points her index finger at me. i lay up, feeling my hair drop onto my shoulders. i don't even wanna look in the mirror.

"i wonder if she's gonna text me" i joke. there's no reason for her to.

"she'll probably wait a couple of days"

"it's already been days, though"

"someone's impatient"

rosslyn and georgia kind of know that i have a small thing for paige. it's nothing major, i wouldn't call it a crush, but i do feel something there. they kind of dug it out of me after the party. my phone buzzes. it's a message from an unsaved number.

when are you free?

rosslyn sees it on my face before i can even say it.

"NO FUCKING WAY" she shouts. i'm pretty sure our entire dorm hall can hear us.

"i swear to god!" i respond, she climbs on my bed as i type back.

who is this?

we immediately get a response.

the girl you spilt your drink on.

rosslyn and i look at each other, smiling like idiots.

hello paige
i'm booked today until the game.

i reluctantly send it. i mean, it's true. i have a video to make, edit, and post by friday. i have a couple assignments to do. i have practice every single day, and i have papers to go through after a meeting with my agent.

shucks

i feel bad.

pinky promise im not lying.

i hope she believes me.

pinky promise i'm not mad.
i'll catch you at the game.

i feel my heart skip a beat. i haven't gotten this nervous since dakota. i curse myself for bringing her up. i hate associating her with good things.
dakota was my high school girlfriend. we dated from the second semester of my sophomore year up until the end of my senior year. when i started to gain popularity the summer before my senior year, i kept my relationship public. i was in love, and didn't think about the impact a public relationship could do to the both of us. dakota cheated on me with a fan, but to the public's knowledge, it was a mutual breakup. if you scroll long enough in my tagged, you can probably find an edit of us when we were still together. my fan base tends to stay away from this, though. still embarrassing when it happens. i hate to know that i still look at them. i was lankier than i am now, happier and more passionate. it's not her i miss, the thought of her disgusts me. it's the feeling of betrayal that still scares me, the loyalty is what i miss. i'll never trust another person like that again. so why do i, in this moment, feel something stronger than i did with her from something so minuscule? why do i feel like i can trust another person like that again? or even more?