The Starmaker & The Raven

Chapter 1

{2008}

During a dark night, in a graveyard next to a church, two demons sprout up from the ground. One looked toad-like and the other had a chameleon on his head. They were dressed in shabby dirty clothing, and stunk of sulfur and brimstone. Their names were Hastur and Ligur, the dukes of Hell.

The two of them stood around, waiting for a third demon to arrive. The meeting they had with this demon, who has been on earth for the past 6,000 years, was very important.

"What's he calling himself nowadays?" Hastur asked his demonic companion.

"I think he's using the middle part of his original name. Calls himself Ziraph." Ligur replied, not really caring all that much.

A taxi arrives, with Ziraph sitting in the back seat.

"Stay for a bit, I shan't be too long." Ziraph politely asked the taxi driver.

He walks up the graveyard's path, carrying himself like a proper English gentleman. Standing a few feet in front of his fellow demons, Ziraph greets them each with a short nod.

"Good evening, fellows." Ziraph said, smiling with his face but not his eyes.

The demons exchange the Temptations they have performed. Hastur tempted a priest into lustful thoughts, while Ligur tempted a politician into accepting a bribe.

"And what have you accomplished, Ziraph?" Ligur asked the shorter demon.

Ziraph tells them about how he made several fast food restaurant ice cream machines suddenly stop working. The other demons were puzzled, they didn't understand how broken ice cream machines would secure souls for Hell.

"Oh, come now, think about it. When people don't get what they want, it tends to make them quite miserable. And miserable people love making others feel just as miserable as they are." Ziraph explained, annoyed by Hastur and Ligur's lack of critical thinking skills.

"Sure, it may not be as exciting as lust or greed, but wrath never really fails, now does it? Especially when it's brought upon by not having one's gluttonous needs met." he explained further.

Goodness (or badness?) knows Ziraph can get rather, in Caelumiel's words, "b**chy" when he doesn't get his sweet treats.

"Anyway, let's move on to more important business. Do you know why you've been summoned here tonight?" Hastur said, not at all caring to attempt to understand Ziraph's thought process.

"No, I'm afraid not, my wicked fellows." Ziraph replied shaking his head.

In place of an explanation, Ligur holds up a picnic basket.

"No." Ziraph gasped, feeling the strong demonic energy radiating from the basket.

He prayed, no not prayed (demons don't pray), wished, he wished that what was in the basket wasn't what he thought it was.

"Yes, it's exactly what you think it is." Ligur chuckled darkly.

"Really? N-now?" Ziraph stammered.

"Yes, isn't it wonderful? In about a decade, Armageddon will begin and the forces of Hell will triumph over Heaven." Hastur said, a smile on his warty face, exposing disgusting rotted and crooked teeth.

"Ah, yes, triumph indeed." Ziraph agreed (not really), pumping his fist into the air.

"But...surely...there's someone more...qualified to complete this very important task?" he asked, smiling nervously.

"Lord Beelzebub seems to think you're the perfect demon for the job. It's probably due to the lovely work you've done during the 20th century." Ligur answered.