scary forest

omg you wont believe this...

so i like. moved into a new house and all that crap. im so mad about it even though we had to because my dad died or whatever and left us a secret fortune which so happened to include this dusty nasty old mansion or whatever. psh. i hate my dad. all he did was love and care for me my whole life. loser.

'mom i wanna go home' i cried pathetically from the back seat. i forgot to mention im 36.

'honey please i know this has been especially hard for you but-'

'NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME' i sobbed. my mom took a swig of Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey and continued driving down the highway almost hitting a pedestrian (wtf was a pedestrian doing on the highway anyway....)

once we arrived i was like 'BOOOO' and threw a total of six tomatoes at my new house. the movers were doing their jobs like good little corporate bootlickers while i ate one of the tossed tomatoes. mmm yummy. did i mention im unemployed

'honey!! i love your sense of style 😊" my mom beamed at me as she saw me fingerpainting on the side of the house. but i was fingerpainting SCARY DEAD PPL.... the movers totally got scared.

when i went inside i took the biggest room even though my mom has way more stuff than me because like. aesthetics. so i jumped on my bed for an hour and harrassed the minimum wage workers while they tried to avoid me. needless to say they left really quickly and we were all moved in!!11

i set up my compuiter and began playing my favourite game Kitten Kicker because im dark and edgy like that. my mom cried when she saw my Naruto collection set up in my room and drank another Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee WhiskeyJack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey before going to bed.

late in the night though i heard some major scary noises from outside. i was like "what the heck!!" and looked outside but saw nothing. my windows didnt have curtains so i could see out into the dark and forboding woods really easily.

once i was Sick of Kicking Kittens i laid down on my Hatsune Miku life sized body pillow and thought about all the kittens i would kick tomorrow hwen i heard a Scream outside.

'ew' i thought and rolled over but it did it again so i like. got up and looked and that's when i saw it.

'Ah' i screamed in terror and hid under my bed with Miku. she guarded me until the morning. then we went in the woods to look for the monster that wouldn't shut the fuck up last night.

we got outside and omg. dude. there was a whole ass colony of kittens. i tried putting my gaming skills to the test IRLz (XD) but im a fucking dumbass and accidenatlly slipped and fell on my ass. i was so annoyed that i threw a bottle of Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey at the screaming kittens but it missed entirely because i have the hand eye coordination of a goldfish and passed out in pain.

when i woke up it was dark. 'shit' i thought. 'i missed jerma's stream. now i have to watch the vod.' so i got up and started walking home when all of a sudden i felt a finger poke my shoulder.

'going somewhere' a dark and raspy voice rasped behind my ear. i like totally glared back at the Creature and rolled my eyes.

'yeah stupid idiot didn't you read the line i just wrote i said im going to watch jermas vod. go away'

'im afraid the only vod you'll be watching is the vod of you Dieing'

'what. lame.' i rolled my eyes and crossed my arms sassily. i also flipped the hair out of my eyes for good measure. i couldnt see shit. so now i could see the monster. it was a GIANT CAT!! a... .aaaaa........

FURRY

i screamed and ran away like a little bitch accidentally leaving behind my wife hatsune miku. the monster cackled and growled at me seducively.

'you can run but you cant hide from. The Kitten Kicker Kicker'

'NO PLEASE' i pleaded pleadingly. 'you can't kick me im Fragile' did i mention i cant drink milk because im lacctoeds in tollersance and my bones are like Shale

'lol get rekt' he mused as his foot connected with my Ass

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' i screampt as i flew into the air. i could see everything from up here. even spain

and then i fell abck down and all my bones broke. i cried and the Kitten Kicker Kicker slyly strode up behind me with a mischevious giggle.

'no please im sorry' i blubbered like a whale but the kitten kicker kicker knew i wasnt a whale because i wouldve died by now im the kitten kicker.

'Lmao' he said before kicking me once more and i rolled over and died. my mom was too busy drinking Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey to noticed i died.

dont drink and drive kidz

or be a furry. the end