Dirty Thoughts (l.s.)

Part 3

- greens

- tea

- milk

- chicken

- salt

Harry sighed. Louis didn't even have salt in his fancy big perfect kitchen. He kept looking through the cabinets making a list on his phone. It was a Wednesday morning and Louis was at work while Harry slept in. His peaceful sleep actually ended the moment Louis left the bed but he still tried to soothe himself to get another couple of hours in. Sleeping was hard. He'd wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and wander the apartment without purpose. He tried reading, that used to knock him out for good before. But having a professional book-reader as a boyfriend came with its disadvantages. So, he started actually reading those books and liking them and that was it for Harry. No more beauty-sleep.

One of possible reasons to his insomnia could've been his lack of actual assignments during the day. He had nothing to do. It seemed fun on paper to quit work and start looking for something new, but in reality, he kept coming back to his lonely guitar, that he now had in Louis' living room. He wasn't that sure that trying writing would be best for his mental health. Considering the fact, that his inability to fight creative failure was the thing that got him here in the first place.

He shook his head to get rid of these deep thoughts and took his phone to write down 'flour' when his screen changed to and incoming call. 'Fizzi' written in bold letters. He frowned but still picked up.

"Hi," he said with a small cough. His voice was out of use since the start of the day.

"Hi, Harry," she said with a smile in her voice. "How are you? I haven't heard from you about your first session last week."

The man bit his lip leaning his back against the counter and trying to collect his thoughts. Him and Fizzi talked total of three times during these three weeks. First time to find a therapist, they settled for the one she already knew, second time to discuss the details, Harry was making sure Louis wouldn't try to pay for him (he failed) and the last time the day before his first session to make sure he didn't get cold feet. He totally did but was too scared to lose Louis if he chickened out on the first try.

And now Fizzi became the only person Harry was actually talking to about therapy. He wasn't sure if Louis'd like to hear about it and, in whole honesty, simply didn't want to burden the man. But Fizzi seemed the closest he'd be able to get to a friend in this aspect of his life. That's why Harry considered sincere answers.

"I think I fucked it up," he breathed out.

Fizz chuckled like she couldn't hear Harry's despair. "That's normal, first sessions are always chaotic. What went wrong?"

Harry thought for a moment. "I think I shared too much," he answered while climbing the counter.

"That's kinda the point," she said immediately.

"I know, but it's like..." he grunted, "how am I supposed to come back and look her in the eyes?"

"Jesus, did you kill someone or what?"

Harry's legs stopped swinging and he caught his breath. He and Louis decided not to tell the girls about Harry's previous occupation. It was absolutely Harry's decision with Louis trying to convince him that they'd understand and Harry throwing a tantrum whilst ugly crying. It was marvelous. Younger man was also not really able to explain why he wanted to keep them in the dark. It was hard to explain and very easy to feel. He tried comparing it to coming out to someone, who's most likely a homophobe, but Louis only shrugged saying that his family was nothing like that. Harry won but only because Louis was putting him fully in charge of that decision. He was very thankful. But as always, the road of less resistance brought Harry to lying once again.