All The Lies We Told Ourselves

21 - Cold Blue Light

Rue
*****

June 5th, Monday

The walk towards the research center felt twice as long as it had the first time. It was cold in the tunnel as we walked on the shaking grid above the passing cars. I could tell it was raining outside from the way the water dripped down into the tunnels at a steadier pace. They were used as a water reserve in the case of floods. She was on my mind again.

Iris, who was walking in front of me suddenly stopped and I nearly bumped into her.
"Watch out." I said, regaining my balance but she only rolled her eyes.
"It wasn't me."

For a moment we stood there in the quiet, when I heard a meek voice towards the very front of the line. Sofie, one of the people from intelligence, the ones who spied and intercepted.
"I dropped my gun." She said and a collective chorus of groans erupted.
"Well, pick it up." I said. Fern had put me in charge of the group and I didn't know how to feel about it, if these were the kinds of mistakes our faction made.
"I- I can't. It's down there."

The metallic surface of the gun shone in the beam of the flashlight. True enough, it lay down below us on the wet concrete where the cars had passed by every few minutes.
"What do you think?" Reid asked behind me. It had been a while since the last car had passed by and I didn't know if she could get it in time. But we couldn't leave it there anyway. It would be noticed eventually, which would put our whole movement in danger.
"Go get it." I said.

Sofie passed us by and went to the ladder, descended it without a word. As she stood there against the tunnel wall, the doubtful silence was broken by the steady hum of four wheels on concrete. It echoed through the tunnel until I could see the spotlights nearing us down below.

The gun clattered, metal on concrete, a bump in the cargo truck's way. Soon enough, the car started to slow down. I had never blanked so badly, but how was I supposed to see it coming? I thought everyone knew to hold on to their guns. The door of the halted cargo truck opened and a blurred figure stepped out, walked over to the gun.

I stood on the edge of the grid platform, feeling my way for a knife. A gunshot would alert other drivers. Everyone was quiet. If he looked up now.
"Who are you? You're not supposed to be here." The man said. He sounded young and unsure, about our age.
"I'm sorry, I don't-"
I lowered myself onto the edge as quietly as possible and fell down scrambling. The sound of boots on gravel, the sudden turn and his face. My knife was against his throat. And I was back in that control room again, on the floor, the blood running over my hands and my face and on my shirt and I needed to get out of there.

My mind blacked out. I didn't move, didn't react when he pulled out the gun, not even when the shot echoed through the tunnel. It sounded distant, and I wasn't there. Not anymore.

***

Reid's face was frantic above mine. The concrete under me was cold and damp. I noticed the blood and the wound was a simple fact. Oh.

"We'll take her back." Amity said, from somewhere far away.
"I'm fine." I protested, and stared at the man laying beside me. His face was caved in at the nose. A piece of it was on the ground.
"Go. Take him away." Reid said, and I heard the line of people above me on the grid disappear. The gravel dragged under his limp body as he was dragged away. My legs moved in the opposite direction as if on their own, even though there was nothing to move them. I was holllow.

***

"Rue, stay with me."
"I can't go home." I said, barely making myself heard. The light was beaming down on me like a judgment but I was cold, down to my bones, in a way I had never been. I closed my eyes and felt the embrace of the concrete, warmed by the day's sun.
"We need to get a doctor."
"The CT."
"What?"
"It's in the top drawer, under the notebook. Just call her. Don't take me home. Don't-"