The Bad Guy

I: Highschool Sweethearts

The day was hot and thick. Diana felt a bead of sweat approach the top of her spine, falling down slowly. Sprawled out on the couch, she felt the air stick to the tips of her fingers, allowing the familiar wash of melancholy to consume her as she fixed her gaze on a pillow. Julio had a way of inspiring that within Diana, continuously depressing her without being in the room.

Not Julio, per se, but the very concept of him. The lover. The ex. That thing on the bottom of your shoe that you cannot be rid of, that you forget is there, that ultimately becomes a part of that shoe because you never gave enough of a shit to clean it.

It was depressing because he was an artifact from the past, some lost life that Diana knew but did not remember living, as if someone had whispered the story to her on the bus once many years ago. She felt detached from it, from him. She knew this should have meant something in some regard, but instead she was completely disconnected, a trait that was typical of her. Her biggest challenge in life was convincing herself that anything mattered in the first place, producing more challenges for her as the years went on. But there was a part of her that felt the need to see him. Sex with him was an effort to make that connection, to feel real again, the way she used to. Lately life was something different.

A knock came at the door.

"Di, it's me."

Lifting herself from her seat, Diana opened the door, staring at Julio with a seductively uninterested look.

"Yeah? So what?" Diana said, smiling innocently. How addictive this game had become. Cat and mouse, chasing each other in circles, never slowing down.

He pulled her into him, kissing her profoundly. With Diana in his arms, and their lips interlocked, they stumbled into her apartment, falling onto the couch and then to the floor. Julio had a way of erasing Diana's mind once he wrapped himself around her. She felt the deepest comfort that you only had after knowing someone for entirely too long. Pure intimacy. That was enough to keep you on the ground when you felt like you could disappear at any moment.

When it was over Diana stared at the ceiling, allowing the tingling sensation that ran through her body to take further effect. Her skin felt warm against the linen sheets, digging her fingers into them as she embraced the endorphin-induced euphoria. The special feeling that someone had touched you, that you were seen, the orgasm that followed the orgasm. She felt Julio's eyes on her, watching the way they always did, studying her breathing, wondering what mechanisms were at work in her complicated brain. She wasn't as complicated as he thought, but she liked that he thought she was. Simple little boy, even after all these years. They really never grow out of this, do they? Men will romanticize women until the day they die, never truly understanding them. Diana grew sad at the thought that the two of them were experiencing the same memory, in different ways. She saw the reality of this moment; Julio saw the half-truths she had offered him, he believed and he felt what she allowed him to. This was an inherent power dynamic that never allowed her to emotionally attach herself to men. She saw them for what they were, and that ruined the fantasy every time.

Lost in her gaze, Julio asked, "Diana, can we talk?"

Fuck.

"We're talking now. Just say whatever you want to say." She focused her eyes onto the ceiling, dreading every minute that was about to follow.

Julio rose from his position, sitting upright in the bed he had nearly destroyed moments before. "We can't see each other anymore, Di. I met a girl...we're together now. Do you understand?" He hid his face, staring at the window on the opposite wall. Fucking coward.

She did not react at first. The ceiling seemed like a good place to keep her eyes, as she couldn't look at him without falling apart. Even though she didn't love him, the years weighed on her. He was hers. In some way or the other, Diana always assumed he would be. "You were just inside of me. How together could you two really be?" Slowly, she turned her head to him, a lifeless stare expressed on her face. Her emotionlessness never failed to provoke him; he wanted her to love him, he wanted her to show it, that would never change. She knew Julio wanted her to, which is precisely why she didn't. Diana knew never to let people feel as though they had power over her.