The journey to freedom

I must put myself first, like a capital at the beginning of a sentence, like an earthquake before a tsunami and lightening before a thunderstorm, in that thunderstorm was a whirlpool of emotions going up a steep roller coaster in such a short time span. It felt like I was sailing through a storm with a nasty hurricane and was finally given the chance to see sunlight after being submerged in darkness for so long, like a beaver dam collapsing and finally being able to see the river, like a set of pitch black glasses were finally lifted off my eyes. I felt like I had a leash tied around my neck suffocating me and cutting my veins of oxygen and when I tried waking up  he'd pour his words onto me like a dose of anesthesia knocking me out into this fantasy where I'd sleep every night in a bed of knives where my head would get stabbed with thoughts about him, giving headaches flowing in like a river of garbage juice spreading odour like Nutella on a slice of bread.

I felt like we connected just because we were magnets but really I feel like we were just two opposing magnets feeling the same kind of force. You'd think I'd be a mess like a bedroom that hasn't been polished, like a painting in a museum for this long...But no, I'm the complete opposite, I feel like I just watched a concert go on in my brain where I was so oblivious and watched the artist perform while everyone else was just gone like they were sucked into some void where I'd hear faint sounds telling me to get over him but I wouldn't listen. All I would listen to was him and his voice that'd make me go crazy. I'd sway along to the melody he sang to the way he danced in my brain, he had the spotlight on him like he was some perfect guy. It was until they shot the UV light on him that I saw all his flaws, it was until I saw the way he poorly interacted with others that made me back away, it was when I finally saw the people in that void to finally realize they weren't the ones in the void, I was. It let me swim to the surface and finally breathe. To finally breathe as if I was trapped and buried in a confine, in a cage of despair with nowhere to go and was finally given the chance to brea- no to be free.

He make me shut down my emotions like a see through curtain on a stage of anger viewed upon the eyes of the audience of glares. He made me think I was listening to weddings bells when really it was sirens warning me to back away. He made me realize if he was country they'd have a red flag, he made me realize I'm too good for him anyways, he made me realize I must change for the better.

I was pretty much a row of faced down cards and over time I would reveal what was under me like an ultrasound showing what was under the surface. I was a walking façade, a fake person but as time flew so did I, I started growing my branches, got my head out of the clouds and to blossom my true colours and so did he and it made me like myself more than I liked him, it made me project my strong affections onto myself instead of him, it made me put myself first instead of him.

He let me learn lessons, learn about myself and how I present myself. He made me learn a hobby of mine which are now poems. I can say "thank you" indirectly but I can also write down my rage. He made me feel bankrupt when we both knew I was rich, he made me feel like a failure when we both knew I was the definition of success.

It clicked, like a keyboard typing down all my problems onto one computer filling up the storage quickly like a set of boxes crowding a small room representing my brain with thoughts that turned my mentality into this hole of agony with no rope to pull me up. It haunted my brain and filled it with overthinking popping like popcorn in a microwave, slamming it like a piñata on a birthday, piercing it like a staple on a stack of papers, it was like we were both balancing on a tightrope to see who fell first, and while he's still playing that game, I'm on the trapeze swinging with my confidence by my side.

I feel free actually like I've been incarcerated in this mental prison for sooo long and was finally given the key to just escape, to leave this burden of annoyance. I feel like I can just fly away without having to worry about the chains that used to restrain me. I feel like I can just swim far without having to worry about the hook that used to stop me. I feel like I can drive away through a path of continuous green lights. I feel free like a butterfly flapping its wings of confidence. All of it felt like I was battling in an invisible war and have finally conquered the beast in a never ending game of chess.

I feel like my emotional well-being has flourished faster than my height in just a year, like I was a tower and he knocked over my base and now i have to rebuild and use this as a stepping stone to reach the bridge.

Your brain like a garden, it needs to be taken care of and given time to grow. Your mind is like an ocean it goes on forever looking for things to explore. You have the map, enjoy your journey to freedom, let yourself breathe, don't let anyone suffocate you. Don't let anyone pop that balloon that deserves to fly. Always put yourself first, you deserve to be treated well, you deserve to have a slice of the cake of confidence, you deserve a person who makes you feel good, that person, is yourself.

-PoetMaster12

#prioritizing
#journey
#poem
#crush