Eternal Darkness

5: Beams and Bloodsuckers

James sat in his office, Adrian joining him this evening and the discussion had turned to James' need for blood. The harsh desk lamp felt like a spotlight, isolating James in a pool of unforgiving light. Shadows clawed at the periphery of his vision, stretching and morphing with every flicker of the bulb. 

Across the desk, Adrian sat bathed in a more forgiving half-light. His face, obscured by the lampshade's overhang, was an unreadable mask. Only his folded hands, stark white against the dark wood, betrayed any tension. Then, the question pierced the silence: "Did you kill her?"

James' throat constricted, suffocating under the weight of his dark secret. Even with Adrian, his closest friend, the words sliced through the air like a sharpened knife against the flesh. He recalled the night of the feeding, a sinister predator lurking in the shadows of the night, preying on unsuspecting students from the nearby college. The haunting memory of that first feeding gnawed at his sanity—a savage euphoria so vile, it bordered on sacrilege. With each subsequent feeding, the same insidious thrill consumed him, a wicked pleasure coursing through his veins, intertwining with an insatiable hunger that threatened to devour his very soul. If there was still a soul in the balance any longer. James mused on this for a brief moment before answering.

"No," he rasped, the word a dry husk in his parched throat. "I... I controlled myself." But 'control' felt like a flimsy shield against the dark truth. It would have been so easy to drain that life force completely, the warm blood a siren song pulling him closer. Sating the hunger that flared up, consuming him from within. It was a constant battle, a simmering rage he barely kept leashed. Manageable for a day or two, perhaps... but the longer he went without feeding, the more desperately the inner monster struggled to get out of its cage, pounding at his mind, the urge to sink his teeth into flesh, to steal that life essence, became a ravenous hunger that threatened to overwhelm him. How long could he control this beast, keep it from becoming too much to tolerate? What would happen if he lost control? Would he forever be damned and unable to retain any of the last vestiges of his humanity?

"That's good," Adrian's response hung heavy in the air, devoid of its usual warmth. His voice lacked conviction. His gaze flickered to the window, a dark portal, curtains pulled back revealing nothing but the inky expanse of night. The lights from the buildings across the street did little to push back the darkness outside. Shadows were everywhere, and it briefly occurred to James that there could be more out there, likely were more vampires out there... in the city... hunting, feeding, even killing perhaps. How many? A few? A lot? Questions for another time.

Was Adrian, his closest and dearest friend, intrigued? Disgusted? The thought gnawed at James, a cold dread settling in his gut that eclipsed even the primal hunger.

The possibility of losing Adrian, of being utterly alone in this world of darkness and insatiable hunger, was a terror far exceeding anything James had ever known. Being a monster was terrifying, but being a monster with no one left to confide in, no one who might understand... that was a chilling isolation that threatened to consume him whole.

"We need to find out what happened to you. From there, maybe we can find  away to..."fix" you or at least get some answers." Adrian frowned, a matching crease wrinkled his forehead, "Maybe there is a way to reverse this? Make you human again." The lack of conviction in this statement was echoed within James. He feared that this was his reality from now on. There was no going back to the way that things had been before he had been turned, becoming this conflicted monster. Now, the struggle was to remain in control. His life was a constant battle to keep the hunger in check and not lose control. The harsh reality was that he knew, deep down, that if he lost control, no one would be safe. Not Adrian, not his neighbors, not his family... all could become prey if he was to lose himself to the darkness that threatened to take over his mind and body.