"Kaia! No way. You're not taking one step out of my house wearing that.''
Baba squinted at me over his glasses, the judgment from his tone unnecessary with that look.
This mini, flared, plaid skirt and drop-shoulder blouse was outfit number three for the evening, and he was not having any of it. And neither was I, truthfully. Nothing ever seemed cute enough when it came to hanging out with Alani.
I told myself I had grown over this infatuation. However, my incorrigible heart hadn't kept up with the program.
''Baba, come on. How about I wear a bedsheet and call it a night?'' That made him chuckle. He put his newspaper down and faced me.
''I think if Milo's a decent man, he won't care what you wear. So don't worry about it too much,'' he said.
He always thought I was into Milo because we hung out sometimes. I was fine having him believe that. Come to think of it, fine wasn't the word. Relieved is more appropriate. Although Baba seemed to rebel against his culture's parochial approach to an ever-evolving world for most of his life, I wouldn't dare bring up my meandering sexuality.
There's only so much venturing one can do before he gets homesick. And I didn't want to be the one to find out how far his openmindedness stretched.
''I like the first outfit,'' he quipped. He was always quick to give in. I smiled triumphantly.
''Oh. Do you? What happened to it looking like I fell into a Barbie birthday cake?'' He gave me a remorseful smile and reached for my hand.
''Come here. Sit.'' He gently sat me on the sofa opposite his recliner. ''Look at my face, Kaia. Tell me, what do you see?'' His lips pulled into a slight smile, his features softening but still etched with the lines of a man who not only lived but explored life on a level I aspire to reach.
''What do you mean? I see my father, who I love so very much. I see an educated man, a cool dad. I see blood from where you shaved this morning! Baba, let me get a bandaid!'' I stood up while rambling on, '' You're always cutting yourself. I tell you every day to use those new razors I bought you. But no. You're so stubborn, you know that, right? Those old-fashioned blades are bound to knick you every time.''
He tsked loudly and pulled me back down with force. ''It's fine, child. And I like my razors, thank you very much. There's no need to change what I've used my whole life. Now focus. I'm trying to talk to you.''
The unusual stoicism concerned me. It was unlike him. He let out a small sigh.
''I'm old Kaia. My hair is white, and my steps grow slower each day,'' he mused.
I took in his forlorn expression, conjuring up scenarios of where the conversation was going and came up blank.
He continued before I could respond. "Before it's my time, I wish for just one thing to remain on this earth- your safety."
It was my turn to suck my teeth at him. "Why must you talk like this? You are not going anywhere! And what do you mean, my safety? I'm perfectly...'' An image of piercing blue eyes and a dominating body flashed in my mind. I gulped and shoved it to the side. Either way, what could Baba have done if such a man turned out to be dangerous?
What could any other man have done?
He was intimidating. The possibility that he wasn't a kind man yet was so close to me, triggered a visceral reaction in my body.
''What I'm trying to say is that I think it's about time you gave your future some thought. The bookshop is all yours but you need someone by your side. Milo's dad spoke to me recently about you two settling down."
My heart sank to my stomach.
Settle down with Milo?
He didn't give me time to truly process his words, my mind a whirling pot of dread and helplessness.
Can I even tell him no? Did I even have it in me to crush his dreams for my future?
I licked my dry lips, the powerlessness seeping into my bones and dragging my shoulders forward.
''Milo wants to marry you, Kaia. He even bought a ring after discussing it with his father and me.''
''But Baba... We... We aren't ready.'' I couldn't think of how to diffuse this absurd situation. Was I simply going to end up like all the other daughters of our locality? Conforming to the norms of society and the wishes of their parents no matter the price- no matter our happiness?
At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to come clean about what I felt about Milo. But how could I? Baba had never once asked something as significant as this, always creating a shield from the heavy burdens of life out of his love for me.
I've never cursed my complacency as much as I do right now. In my heart, my answer to marrying Milo would always be no; but saying no to Baba's face was difficult.
''My child, no one's ever ready for anything in life.'' He cleared his throat dramatically, gaining my attention and reached out for my hand.
I begrudgingly amused him.
He held his chest and spoke,'' Like William Shakespeare once said, 'all things are ready if our minds be so'.''
Pretending to appreciate his attempt to make light of our conversation, I laughed weakly. I mimicked his theatrics, pounding my chest lightly and straightening my posture.
''Milo's mind be so... but not Kaia's,'' I said softly.
Disappointment flashed across his face so quickly that my stomach became a pit of regret.
''I'm sorry. I will think about it,'' I added quickly. He perked up at that, tapping my hand and grabbing the newspaper again.
''Definitely do think about it,'' he said as he put his glasses back on, ''but don't take too long. Milo seemed pretty eager about getting in my good graces. I smell a proposal brewing soon.'' He smirked down at his newspaper.
''Ah, young love.''
