Tawakkul

Chapter 13

The moon hung in the sky and the clouds stood in front of it. They hid its glory, reducing its beauty. The darkness swam in their home reaching the heart of Aaliyah. She sat on the prayer mat clasping the fabric in her hand. Tears fell from her eyes a grief she could not explain was spilling from her heart. She felt each drop that sunk to the floor and she imagined a flower grow for every tear. She had fallen pregnant. Twice, however, both times she lost her child. Both times she was attached to a child who was never born.

What could be more painful than a mother losing her child? She crumbled onto her prayer mat one hand placed on the intricate embroidery of the Kaaba, her eyes red with agony. A fountain of tears kissed it as she sobbed. Her cries were silent, the look on her face as if she were fighting death. A silent scream ripped her soul and she clenched her fist. She held a tasbeeh in the other hand, Aaliyah felt as though the world was spinning as if her heart would rip out of her chest. She sunk further onto the mat, despair written on every teardrop. Her lashes curled, shimmering with tears, her skin the colour of roses and her lips outlined with red. She helplessly kneeled on the mat, her head planted firmly.

"Ya Allah" She cried her pain ripping the cover of the sky.

"Ya Allah" She sobbed, repeating the words for an ounce of comfort.

she grasped the fabric of her cloth crying into the void. her mind was not a storm, it was rain. It was a neverending rain, a persistent rain. A shower in which youd stand until you got sick. The world was dark and the pain almost brought comfort. Her chest caved in as she mourned. She mourned the loss of her two children, children who had not even seen the light of this life, children who had a future they never lived. She swam in faith yet she wished she could drown. They do not tell you the agony of trust in Allah, the agony when you want to give up but you cant. You know everything that happens does so for a reason, you know that he has a plan that is better than anything you could imagine, you know that he will bless you with something better than what he has taken from you. Aaliyah's sobs caught in her throat and her tears became silent, she stared at the wall her pain was not hers, she left her entire being to Allah her pain was no exception, she did not claim it as her own.

She sat up leaning on the wall behind her, her tears seemingly endless, she recited the prayers that she memorised and swam into a deep sleep.

فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

{Verily with hardship there is ease.}

She awoke in an unfamiliar place. White in colour, the light almost blinding. Aaliyah walked forward in a daze. A set of stairs led to a room made of glass. Aaliyah followed them up until she reached the top. There was a gap between her and the room. Inside stood a woman, a woman who was full of light, she could not be described, a veil of light surrounded her and Aaliyah felt safe. She found herself asking the lady for help.

"Please let me have my child"

The lady looked at her and spoke. Her voice was heard in Aaliyah's head. Peaceful and sweet and it held authority.

"Come back later"

Aaliyah shook her head and repeated her request. The lady again gave her the same response. This exchange continued Aaliyah would ask and the lady surrounded in light would answer. Until her response changed.

"Okay go, you will receive what you have asked for in the month of Rajab".

Aaliyah awoke with a shock. Her face stained with tears, she stared at the prayer mat recalling the dream, only a name left her lips.

"Hazrat bibi Fatima"

Soon after the dream things started to change for the better. Aaliyah fell pregnant once again. Her medical history increased with complications, and she bore her head in her prayer mat with worry. Whenever she would feel lost, she'd remember the dream. She carried the baby with care, loving a child that was yet to be born. She had told Sultan about the dream, and he had begun to call the baby their miracle. Sultan had found a more stable job as a security officer at the hospital and had taken the opportunity without a second thought.