Philloise Re-Written

Chapter Seven

. . . have never been so restless in all of my life. Colin, you must come home. It is interminably boring without you, and I don't think I can bear such boredom another moment. Please do return, for I have clearly begun to repeat myself, and nothing could be more of a bore.

—from Eloise Bridgerton to her brother Colin, during her fifth season as a debutante, sent (but never received) while Colin was traveling in Denmark.

Eloise spent the entire day in the garden trying to find some peace of mind. She would alternate, in quick succession, between reading, pacing (even with the ache in her hip) and lesson-planning. She would try to rest her body and calm her mind by lounging on an exceedingly comfortable chaise that she was quite convinced had been imported from Italy, since it was her experience that neither the English nor the French had any clue as to how to fashion comfortable furniture. This never lasted for long and she soon found herself restless again. Any onlooker would have found it dizzying.

It was a perfect day, with a blue sky and a light breeze, but Eloise could not bring herself to enjoy it.

It wasn't in her nature to sit still and watch the clouds float by. Particularly in this instance because if she sat still for too long she found herself thinking on Sir Phillip and their conversation in her bedchamber. And how warm his coarse hand had felt against her wounded cheek. How she had longed for him to use that hand to pull her closer and...

She was right to choose to leave Romney Hall. Of course she was. Phillip had turned out to be less of a saviour and more of an obstacle in her attempt to make her way in the world. Albeit, a rather amiable obstacle. Perhaps more than amiable. He seemed determined, if a little misguided, in his attempts to be a good guardian to Oliver and Amanda. It was endearing, really, and was certainly a marked change from many fathers of the ton who saw childrearing as a wholly feminine pursuit. In fact, it was his honest, genuine care for the twins that convinced her she ought to leave. Eloise could not face it if she were the cause of anymore consternation in their home after they had already been through so much.

Eloise smiled solemnly to herself as she looked at her preliminary plan for the lessons she would lead in her short time with Oliver and Amanda. They only wanted attention and she was willing to give it in the time she had with them. Amanda, so preoccupied with her hair and presenting herself 'just so' would be steered to apply her talents to something with more substance – perhaps Eloise would contact her brother Benedict for assistance instructing her in creative pursuits. And Oliver. A boy so eager to impress that he was using words he could not pronounce, let alone fully understand. Eloise looked forward to showing him all the books she had loved growing up, especially the ones her mother and eldest brothers had chastised her for reading, saying they were inappropriate for any gently-bred member of the ton, let along a young debutante.

Her solemn smile turned into one of sly determination. Sir Phillip would be left with a niece and nephew rebellious in nature, just in ways he had not anticipated.

Despite her reassuring herself she had made the right decision, Eloise wondered if perhaps she should explain her reasoning to Phillip a little more. He had looked so hurt when she told him she needed to leave. His thick brow had furrowed and his normally crooked grin had faltered into something of a frown. Thinking back on it now, Eloise wondered if she could have just brought her lips to his, perhaps the frown would have faded. Perhaps he would have kissed her back. Perhaps his hands would have started to wander. Perhaps she would have allowed her own hands to wander...

Standing up from the chaise, Eloise placed her hands on her hips, closed her eyes and willed her thoughts to settle. How was it that she felt so lost all of a sudden? She had been so sure that this arrangement with Phillip would be her salvation and now, because of that bloody kiss she was faced with returning home with nothing to show for her rash behaviour. Because of a kiss!