My partner told me she might be a lesbian. Exclusively. So I told her that was okay. We could stay together while she experimented. She conditioned it on me also having the option. Since she didn't feel like it was fair. Experiment 1 was a dud. Experiment 2 was on. She was named Roo. Introduced to me as an engaged lesbian who was also having some shake up in her relationship. I woke up to find her at my place. My partner was going to bed.
This was not the first time we spoke but it was the first time we were alone together. So I decided to do the adult thing and do some bonding. We got to playing Mario cart. Talking as we went. The conversation for flirty and maybe a little explicit. But it was fine we were fucking the same woman so that could be expected. I end up moving to share a couch with her. it has a better view of the TV. We sit closer than I realized. I was focused on driving. Things get fuzzy here. The next thing I remember I notice her hand is in her pants. And she is reaching over to me. I push her down, and bat her hand away. But that makes her touch more, while begging to get to touch me.
This was not the first time I had been somewhere like here. But it was the first time I was in control. While also having absolutely no control. This was my couch, this was my home. My emotions turned off. And I played a part. I held her in place as she touched herself. Eventually she finished. She told me she had a great time. I felt violated. Feel violated.
My ex ignored me. She refused to see it my way. So I fell in line.
"You should take it as a compliment"
I insisted to myself
Over and over again
"It's not something that happens to just any guy"
I tried to justify it to myself
Why I should be okay
Okay with it
Okay with myself
But it wasn't
I didn't
I had been violated
And even the one whom I loved most
Refused to see it
