And you caught it by the blade

7

Jeongin watched as quietly as possible.

For the past few weeks he had noticed a strange thing about Felix and was willing to do anything to prove himself that it was not a trick.

He absolutely loved spending time with the younger, it made him feel calmer whenever he was with Felix. The past three years he had been in the college had gained him a powerful reputation for losing his temper very fast. He did not react immediately as Changbin did, but a few scandals that ended with students in hospital were under his belt.

He was not per se proud of it, but others usually avoided him and left him to his devices, that was what he counted as a win. With so many nosy people sprinkled across the campus, Jeongin was glad he got to keep his private life secret. And maybe that should get him kicked out of the college, but he was the best they got in terms of swimming and had won them a total of eleven gold medals in three years.

But since Felix had slid into their dynamics, Jeongin often found himself talking with the younger about the problems in his life and distressing that way instead of beating students up. The younger always listened to him talk with patience, only providing with a solution when he needed it and staying quiet otherwise. It was the first person after his parents who heard his worries without trying to make a joke out of them.

With all these lovely things in his mind, he had skipped over to Felix one day, excited to share a new achievement he had bagged. Jeongin walked over to his room and knocked, his face spilling with smiles.

"Come in, Jeonginnie Hyung." A tiny voice answered from inside.

He did find it a little weird how the blond could tell that it was him and not someone else, but moved on from the issue, thrilled to share one more success story with Felix.

A few months later, Jeongin had started to notice this habit of Felix's a lot. He could tell people apart by their footsteps and hence was prepared with everything they could want from him. He had Seungmin's snacks, Jeongin's cookies, Minho's homework sometimes and other things ready before they had even stepped into his room. And it seemed that the thing applied to others as well.

He would suddenly dig into his bag for something and bring out a random object and then give it to the next person who walked up to him from behind, the person then gave a sigh of relief, called him a lifesaver, and moved on. It had been happening too many times to be considered a coincidence now.

Jeongin had joking even said that the boy was like an animal, taking up the vibrations from the ground and preparing himself for what was to come.

"It's nothing, Hyung," Felix had laughed along with him, "I have always been able to distinguish between footsteps. When I was young, I would always be able to tell people in my house apart."

He always seemed to know who it was, turning before his name was called and calling them out by their names from behind the door. Curious about what this superpower could be, Jeongin searched it up online, only to be thrown off guard by the results it had to provide.

'It could be a coping mechanism a person has developed due to past trauma. Tap here to read more.'

Jeongin, needless to say, did not tap there.

Felix was such a cheerful guy, of course, he did not face these kinds of problems. He was always spreading warmth and love, in no way or form would anyone be able to hurt him accidentally, let alone bully him.

And so, he moved on from there, not lingering on the topic for too long 'cause what use was a topic if it had no base? But still, Jeongin decided, maybe he should ask Felix about this. What if it ended up making it look like he was weak, though? What of his reputation then? Nevermind, he decided, Felix was a big boy, he can handle himself.

And thus, a few months further into the weird revelation, Jeongin found himself staring more and more at Felix in secret. His eyes always trying to move towards the other to see if he was doing something peculiar again. His head automatically moved in the direction of the younger to catch him performing one of his weird hobbies again. And to say less, Felix did not disappoint Jeongin in this hunt of his.

Whenever he had terrible days (Jeongin only found it out from the others on the campus, the younger never bad-mouthed others), Felix sat in one place, his hands wrapped tightly around his knees and his eyes unmoving, staring into space. He did that more frequently as the exams drew closer. He still helped others and they were never deprived of their sunny smile, but he seemed to disappear into nothingness when he was alone.

He just stared at a tiny speck of dust that must have flown through there until someone else entered the room and he had to shift his attention. Felix did not talk a lot after those episodes, he moved around to help the others but he did not say a word. It was almost as if his tongue fell numb and he couldn't even entertain the idea of speaking. His smile came off more lousy and his body caved into itself as if to make him feel smaller.

Jeongin could point out these all things in the younger's behavior because he had turned to his trusted friend, Google, after seeing Felix 'disappear' once. Google had shown him unbelievable results again, things that were surely happening to Felix.

'This is a mild side of Dissociation, a mental health problem related to trauma that could turn fatal if not treated. Click here to read more.'

Jeongin searched up all the symptoms just once for his curiosity, not hoping to find any of them in the younger because this was obviously not true. But to his surprise, he found every single one of them in the younger, a few showing up more than others. It confused him more. Was Felix playing reverse psychology on him and doing these things just to throw Jeongin off the road? But the younger's story did not add up at all for him having two, possibly more, trauma responses and coping mechanisms. With such a sunny smile, how could have anyone bullied him? And the way he had grown up to be such a perfect child, his parents could not be bad as well. So, what could have happened to him?

This brought Jeongin back to his position where all eight of them were having their ritual movie night, sitting right opposite of where Felix was curled up into himself, with even more information from the internet swirling in the elder's head.

He had no idea what movie Jisung had put on and no idea why Chan was laughing at Minho, his entire concentration was fixated on Felix. The boy was snuggled in the corner of the sofa with a blanket tucked around him, overall looking like others present in the room on the outside. But his eyes were fixed on a random spot on the wall, unblinking. He had been sitting that way for almost four hours now. They were halfway through the movie, and he had neither spoken a peep nor moved his eyes away from the place.

According to Jeongin's research, Felix was currently going through what was called dissociation. He was hyper fixated on that one place and refused to do anything but stare there. And the elder knew this had to be a fabricated lie, in no way was the cheery guy a victim of abuse. So he did what the internet suggested not to do.

He waddled over to Felix and shook him by his hand, pulling him out of the unknown state rather roughly. The younger gasped lightly as if he was pulled out of the water after a long period of time and stared at Jeongin with fear in his eyes. The elder blinked his eyes, not sure whether he had actually seen fear in those eyes because it had disappeared in a flash.

"Lixie, can I sit here?"

The blond immediately nodded, his eyes going back to their happy self, and scooted more into the sofa to give him space. And thus he confirmed Jeongin's experiment number two; he refrained from talking right after whatever episode he had had. Jeongin smiled at the successful experiments and cuddles up to the younger's side, his brain not remembering how the internet had provided that this was a coping mechanism for trauma.

Jeongin later learned that they called this PTSD.

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