"It happened again." ~ Stan x Kyle (Style)

Why us?

Before I start this off, this is kyles POV.

I didn't go home after what happened at Stan's, I just went to Craig and Tweeks. I told them about what happened then just sat in silence occasionally blurting out some words but not an awful lot, yeah I am quite shaken up. Call me a pussy for it but it's just the fact that he heard me say "I wish you were sober when we done this" or whatever the fuck. Maybe I did like Stan but it all started when he first discovered that when he's blacked out or shitfaced he enjoys to seduce his best friend, the weather forecast said it was gonna be stormy for the next 3-5 days, so up until Friday or Saturday.
I didn't wanna talk to Stan. I didn't feel a need to right now, but I also wanted to talk to him at the same time. I just feel embarrassed if I'm being honest, he must think I'm a fucking weirdo who enjoys it when his drunk friend fucking tops him- okay yeah that is weird. Even if I'm just saying it in my head, everything about it feels wrong. Every bit of it isn't okay, but fuck I've already fallen so hard for him and not mention that I'd usually tell Craig, Tweek or Clyde but none of them even knew about my feelings for him or what we did when he was off of his mind on drink.
"Are you feeling any better?" Tweek asked.
I couldn't find the courage to speak so I just shook my head saying no. He asked me if I wanted anything but sitting with my knees to my chest on their couch was enough for me.
I didn't even know if Stan was gay that's the point too, I don't know if he just uses me for a fun drunk fling or if  "drunk words are sober thoughts".
"Kyle, Kyle? Earth to Kyle-" Craig called out, I didn't realise but had zoned out completely.
"Kyle you were rocking back and forth?" Tweek said in a concerned voice, sometimes without noticing whenever I zone out I start to rock back and forth or shake my head a bit, it was annoying
"Just thinking." I replied back but after Craig lit his cigarette and went to sit down with Tweek he spoke up a bit more
"Do you like Stan?"
That's it. I've had enough.
"So what if I fucking do! Oh my god it's gonna ruin our friendship but Jesus Christ I really fucking like him and I don't know what to do now!!!"
"Woah my bad, I think I hit a soft spot-"
"Shut up Craig!" Tweek shrieked out but added more "look maybe he's into you to and you just can't tell? Did you say that Wendy was quite abusive towards him? maybe he's just a bit hard to read-"
"It got to a point where I practically forced him to stop drinking in general because I couldn't deal with the guilt of Stan and I the morning after- it's just never been that rough."
The room went cold. But Tweek spoke up.
"Did you know that gerbils need to be in pairs to survive, if separated they could die of heart break"
I looked up at him, confused. Tweek took Craig's cigarette out of his mouth then kissed him and looked back at me.
"Use that information however you want to."
He muttered.

I sat and thought about it for a good while whilst Tweek and Craig just talked together with the Front Bottoms playing in the background, they knew I liked to go silent from time to time, they knew I was okay sometimes and sometimes not and I liked it like that. I liked to be silent with others around, it made me feel less lonely in a way. I looked at my phone, I've had it on silent since I left Stan's house, Stan tried to message me multiple times and called me 5 times. It was him apologising and asking if we could talk but I didn't have the energy or courage to right now, it has been 3 hours since I left his house and I've been sitting in Craig and Tweeks couch in the same position for about 2 hours and 30 minutes. I tried to get up multiple times but I'm all out of energy and standing up just doesn't feel right.
What's happening to me?..

Shorter chapter here but here was kyles POV on things, is Stan in the wrong? What did Tweek mean when he mentioned gerbils? Is everything going to look up for them?