Project Cliffside

Sixteen

9 MONTHS LATER. FELICITY AND HARRY DECIDE TO JUST BE FRIENDS DURING THE PREGNANCY AND CONTEMPLATE WHETHER OR NOT TO STAY TOGETHER OR NOT ONCE THE BABY HAS ARRIVED.

"Fiz?" Louis whispers as i toss and turn with an achey pain in my back and stomach.
"I think she's coming, lou. I need to go get Harry."
"I'll get him." Louis says, sprinting out of our hut to Harry's. Ever since me and Harry split, things had been pretty difficult regarding the pregnancy. I wasn't sure how I felt about 'Baby Styles' becoming 'Baby Tomlinson', and seeing Lily all over Harry still hurts me. That used to be me - and I'm sure she feels the same. It's like we're on one of those television programmes where the wives swap, except it's reality. And fuck, does it hurt.
"Babe? You've been in a daydream for a while." Louis says and I snap out of my daydream.
"Are you still hurting badly?"
"Mentally or physically? Or both? Because fuck, I need Harry."
"I know. But Fiz, please stay away from him. I mean- don't get back with him. First of all, we're together. Second of all, he's a cheater. Oh and he's....." Louis fades off and nods in the direction of harrys hut. I look slightly confused but start to walk - or wobble - over. When I get there, I see Harry hugging a pillow instead of Lily - the girl in his bed. My heart breaks and shatters into tiny pieces in my rib cage and im incredibly tempted to go into his arms and hold him, but I don't.
"Haz?" I whisper, gently rocking him. His body immediately jolts and he sits upright.
"Fiz, hey. You okay?" His voice is raspy and his hair is messy. My heart warms at the sight of him and even though my head is no longer in love my heart and soul ache for his touch again.
"She's coming." Is all I have time to say before a contraction hits me and I double over onto the floor. Harry slips onto the floor and holds me as he carries me to his plane - YES plane. One Direction's career shot up and he was able to afford a small private plane with six seats.

**** after the birth

I hold our daughter in my arms 2 hours later, thinking about how worth living in shitty conditions was for my girl. I vowed to myself that I was going to take care and treasure my baby girl forever, give her the love she deserves. Give her a better childhood than I had.
"She's beautiful, like her mama." Harry says, smiling at our daughter. My heart breaks and melts at the same time looking at him. Part of me wants to just crawl back into his arms and the other wants to kick him out.
"I don't know what we should do, Harry." I whisper.
"We don't need to make decisions right now, Fiz. Im just... completely focused on how crazy it is that your body is that strong."
"But I said-"
He kisses my forehead: the one thing that makes my heart flutter. "You've just had a baby, you don't need to make a single decision. Focus on how it feels to be a mother."
"It feels amazing." I whisper, kissing my sleeping daughter's head. I suddenly remember how he was cuddling his pillow instead of his girlfriend, and I decide to ask him about that.
"Hey, Haz?"
"Mm?"
"Why weren't you cuddling your girlfriend? Why were you cuddling your pillow?"
"I can't sleep with anyone but you. I sleep so much better with you by my side. In my arms. It just... feels right with you. Whereas with lil, I don't know. I feel like I'm only with her to get over you."
"You slept with her, you evidently love her." I whisper.
"I'm never going to hurt you again, Fiz."
"You made that promise before and you cheated on me."
"And I've regretted it every millisecond since, my love. I miss you, and I'm so fucking sorry. You deserve much more than what I give you."
"I don't care about what I deserve. I just want you."
"Then why don't we start again?"
There's a glimmer of hope in his eyes and it crushes my heart to reject him, but it didn't sit right in my gut to get back with him: especially when I'm happy with Louis. And if I did get back with him, I'd have to dedicate myself to him. What if he cheats again? Would it just be a cycle of hurting, forgiving and forgetting?
"Fiz?"
"Huh? Yeah? Sorry...."
"No, don't apologise."
His knee bounces up and down, a sign he's anxious.
"I'm so happy with Louis.."
I swear I could see his heart break.
"You were so happy with me..."
"I was.. and then you cheated."
"Can I tell you something?"
"What?"
"We didn't have sex. We kissed but we didn't have sex."
"Why have you only just told me that?"
I felt slightly angry that he didn't tell me he only kissed her. I mean, yes it hurts but kissing and having sex is quite different.
"I don't know, to be honest. Why did you assume?" He starts playing with my hair which was soothing so I leaned into his touch.
"I argued because I didn't want to lose you. Then I ended up losing you anyway."
He slides his fingers up and down my arm.
"I've been begging for you back the whole eight months we've not been together, Fiz.." he says, his voice breaking.
"What do you want to do, Haz? Are you ready to start again?"
"Honestly? Yes, yes I am. I'd take you back any day." He smiles, that same glimmer of hope shining in his emerald eyes.
"Well you won't be."
His smile fades.
"You treated me like utter shit and now you're lying to me. Lily told me everything you two did and you expect me to come crying back to you? No, Harry. I'm sorry, but no. I- cant."
"Can we stay as friends?" He whispers, his voice breaking.
"Yes, yes we can." My heart breaks as I watch him cry and as always I was so tempted to go back into his arms, but I had Louis now and that's all I needed.