Bad Love

Chapter 17

Not to her great surprise Melissa was enjoying every moment of her time living with Amy. Between them existed an ease that she hadn't enjoyed with neither Andrew nor Claire. They spent their time watching TV and movies and listened to music; they went out for breakfast, lunch, brunch and dinner; they went to concerts, went shopping, whiled away entire days at flea markets. Amy introduced Melissa to her other friends and Melissa became a member of their social circle. Life was more open and free; she felt a constant desire to be a part of the human world that Andrew enjoyed maligning so much, a perspective of his that she'd shared for years that she now wished she'd had the confidence to stand up to. Being normal agreed with Melissa; she loved it.

Emboldened by what she perceived as her liberation Melissa did what she had wanted to do for the better part of two years and quit school, a decision she didn't inform her parents of. Unlike Amy, who was studying for her psychology degree because she wanted to work with children in some capacity, Melissa didn't have any set goal in mind, so it seemed a waste for her to continue randomly taking classes. She got a job as a waitress in a restaurant so she could help Amy with the rent and continue to stay with her, the only thing she was certain she wanted. Like having friends and a social life, working also proved enjoyable for Melissa. She decided she didn't care about what Andrew had said about jobs—that they merely served to give people something to do because otherwise there'd be total anarchy—and went to work every day feeling proud to be doing something for herself and earning an income with which she could support herself.

As roommates Melissa and Amy grew from being friends to being an almost platonic couple, made possible by the absence of a lover in both of their lives. After her break up with Claire, Melissa wasn't interested in dating again and to her knowledge Amy hadn't had a boyfriend the whole time they'd known each other, nor had she spoken about any boyfriends from her past. Melissa had also not been entirely forthcoming about her romantic past. She'd told Amy everything about Claire and some of the other girlfriends that she'd had but hadn't said a word to her about Andrew, thinking Amy would find her strange for being a lesbian who'd only ever loved a boy. Amy's complete lack of disclosure about her romantic history was a lot stranger than the particulars of Melissa's former love lives. Intrigued by her silence on the issue Melissa had prodded Amy for details but had always received the same bashful answer from Amy of 'Oh, there's nothing much to talk about really.' Not wanting to jeopardize their friendship Melissa didn't pursue the matter aggressively but continued to find it curious. From Amy's weak evasions it was clear to Melissa that Amy was hiding something. Had she had a boyfriend who'd treated her badly? Was there someone her parents had in mind for her? Melissa didn't know how traditional Amy's parents were, in fact she didn't know much about them at all, other than that they owned and operated a Chinese restaurant together. Melissa realized then that Amy had been very careful about what she'd chosen to disclose to her, and that seemed unfair to Melissa since her history with Andrew was the only thing that she had omitted from Amy. It was also a point of concern as it suggested that Amy didn't trust her as much as she thought she did and that maybe she shouldn't trust Amy as much as she did.

As time went by Melissa's intrigue about Amy's secrecy grew and with it her need to know what Amy was keeping from her. The situation was similar in many respects to what she'd been through with Andrew at the outset of their relationship with the battle she'd faced to get him to show more enthusiasm for their relationship. Then she had managed to force the issue with Andrew by using her sexuality to make it impossible for him to continue to ignore her. Melissa was wary of adopting that direct an approach with Amy for a number of reasons. She didn't want to place what she had with Amy in danger whereas with Andrew she didn't have anything with him yet to endanger. She was also in the dark as to what Amy's problems might be, unlike with Andrew whose solipsism and intellectual drive she was able to clearly identify as what was causing him to hold back with her. Reaching Amy would require a much more subtle approach from Melissa, something she wasn't at all good at but was prepared to try if it was what she needed to do to gain a better understanding of her friend who had become her ballast over the past months. One evening as they were sitting next to each other on Amy's couch watching a movie, Melissa reached out to her friend for answers.