𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 | 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝟎𝟏

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟓

ARZO

During the whole day and event, I told myself that I won’t cry when api has to leave.

The pep talk went to waste because I can already feel the tightening of my throat from the held back tears as we lead api towards the exit.

Ammi and Abbu are the first ones to hug her and talk to her. I can see tears shining in Abbu’s eyes and Ammi trying her best to hold back tears and it only makes it harder for me to hold back my tears. Even api looks like she’s going to burst into tears.

After api is done hugging ammi and abbu, she turns to me. I hold up my hand then sign, “Just for the record, I am not crying. My eyes are just sweating.” even when I say this, my bottom lip quivers.

Traitor.

However, api chuckles and pulls me into her embrace. The tears start flowing out of my eyes as I tightly wrap my arms around her waist, burying my face into her shoulder.

This isn’t supposed to be that hard. Why won’t the tears stop?

Everyone around us stays quiet while I almost break my sister’s bones while hugging. Good thing I can’t speak because I used to make horrible crying noises.

“I love you.” my sister whispers only for me to hear.

I slowly start to release her and we pull away. She smiles at me, tears shining in her eyes as she wipes my tears.

I sniff and sign, “if he upsets you even a tiny bit, come back and I’ll deal with him.”

She lets out a soft laugh, “okay.”

After another hug, I let Zahid bhai take her away, although I didn’t want to. One by one, everyone else starts to leave as well.

During the drive, ammi and abbu lightly talk about how they pray api and Zahid bhai live in a happy and healthy marriage. I do pray for the same but I stay quiet during the ride.

The rukhsati came too soon.

As soon as we reach home, I say goodnight to my parents and rush to my room.

I take a shower, change into my comfy PJs, do my skin care and wudu then step out of the bathroom.

My room is so comfortable right now, I want to snuggle in my blanket and sleep. But I need to pray or I won’t be able to sleep peacefully.

So, I lay down my prayer mat, put on my hijab, stand on the mat and start praying.

Immediately, my tensed muscles relax, my chest unties the knot that had been tied as my lips start to recite the surahs and supplications. My surroundings disappear as I focus on praying for my Creator, talking to Him through the prayer.

As I go into sujood, I stay there a little longer before getting back up and repeating the steps.

I don’t hurry along with the prayer. I take my time reciting and remember the translations.

My heart stays heavy with unshed emotions in my eyes. After I finish prayer, I recite some dhikr then raise my hands and talk to My Lord.

I first thank Him for all the things he had sent to us, for the events we were able to plan, the people who were able to come and enjoy, for giving us a chance to participate in my sister’s wedding. I pray for my family, the ones in need, all muslims and ask Him to help us stay on the right path.

Ya Allah, keep my sister safe, happy and healthy in her marriage. Bless her and her husband. Please take care of her. If something accidentally happens to her, give me any signal because she has a problem of not worrying us which is very sweet but is also worrisome.

Most importantly, bless their marriage. May they find peace and solace with each other, live a happy life in this world and reunite in the hereafter. Ameen.

My heart lightens after I finish my dua. I stay on the prayer mat for a while before I get up, fold the prayer mat and head to my bed.

I snuggle into my blanket, getting ready to sleep.

Before I could close my eyes and go to sleep, Shoaib’s words repeat in my mind.

I will marry you just to ruin your life like you ruin others.

My body locks at the words.

He can’t be serious. He can’t force me. I will say no.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, forcing my body to relax.

Think of something else. anything!- 

Dark brown eyes-

My eyes snap open.

Why did that just happen?

I stare into the distance as the events from earlier repeat. I keep telling myself that I’m crazy because there is no way Faizan could have asked his friend to come ask how I was doing. We have never talked and from what I’ve noticed, he avoids everyone except his family and his one friend.

Even during the wedding, he was trying to disappear into the crowd or hide in some kind of shadows in order not to be seen or stand out.

But he did, nonetheless.

All I know is that Faizan Malik is a mystery.

A mystery I shouldn’t unravel.