𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 | 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝟎𝟏

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟑𝟎

ARZO

Did you read the article…

I know it was about her..

I knew there was something going on..

She’s not as innocent as she looks..

She’s having an affair…

These are a few of the many comments I heard since the stupid article came out.

An article that labeled me as a fragile, disabled woman being with a successful man to help her needs.

That’s what the article said and those words have been pierced into my brain.

I always say that people make a huge mistake thinking that I’m fragile only because I have a disability. And I have always proved them wrong.

I didn’t need a voice to prove my point. I showed them. I worked hard and proved that I wasn’t helpless.

But I feel myself tiring out. I feel myself crawling back into that hole I made when I was young, shutting everyone out and becoming numb.

I was back to being my eleven year old self when she sat in the middle of her classroom while her classmates whispered about her. They stole glances at her as if she wasn’t aware.

Teachers looked at me with pity and treated me like a sensitive glass, like if they touched me, I would shatter into a million pieces.

I was back to being that girl who came home sobbing and locked herself into her room while her sister and parents begged her to open the door because they were scared she’d do something to herself.

I still remember ammi and abbu begging me to come out of my room and talk to them. Api was on the brink of tears because I wasn’t answering her.

But at that time, my body didn’t care.

I became numb.

Tears dried on my cheeks as I sat on the ground with my knees to my chest, staring at the wall. Their voices were blurry to me but I knew they were panicking.

But I didn’t move to open the door.

I couldn’t.

Abbu had to break down the door and when they saw me sitting numbly on the ground, their panic only increased.

I had scared my parents and sister to death and I hadn’t cared. I hated myself for making them worry.

I was in a slump for days and api didn’t leave my side. She even started sleeping with me because she was worried I’d lock myself in the room again.

My slump lasted for months but I fought it. I forced myself to come out of it and prove that I wasn’t helpless.

During that time, I had gotten closer to my Deen.

Because during then, I realized that even if the whole world saw you as a fragile and helpless person, Allah always saw you as strong for trying.

“Arzo?”

My body stiffens at the sound of ammi’s voice but I don’t face her while laying on my bed, I keep my gaze towards the wall.

“Are you okay, beta?”

I still don’t answer.

Tonight's mehndi- henna night- at our house. Our cousins, relatives and Faizan’s family- all women- will come over to celebrate and get their henna done.

I took an early leave from the office. Although I asked Farhan for the early leave, instead of going to Faizan.

I couldn’t face him after our encounter in his office.

He looked so… pained and only because I was avoiding him.

I wasn’t avoiding him because of the article. I was losing myself in a hopeless hole and didn’t want him to see me like that. So I did my best to avoid him. It pained me but I was scared he would read my eyes and realize I wasn’t who he thought I was.

Aside from Faizan and Farhan, my team leader- David- and the receptionist- Abbie- were the only one in the office who didn't believe the article.

David indirectly scolded two girls who kept talking about the article. Abbie came to check up on me to see if I needed anything.

I was very thankful to them. I even invited Abbie to come over tonight if she could.

My bed dips down as ammi sits on the bed and places a warm hand on my shoulder, “Arzo? What happened, beta?”

I shake my head, still not looking at her.

My parents don’t know about the article, no one in my family does except for api and Zahid bhai.

She tried calling me but I didn't answer, I couldn’t. She’d know I was breaking apart and would come over but I couldn’t face her.

I don’t want to scare her again.

Although, she left me multiple messages.

“Did something happen at work?” ammi continues her investigation. I shake my head, “you didn’t eat. Are you hungry?” another shake of my head. She sighs, “beta…”

“I’m tired.” I sign, “I want to rest for a while.”

“Okay. If you want anything, let me know.”

Ammi gets up and places a soft kiss on my forehead before leaving my room.

I sigh and lay on my back, turning my attention to the ceiling.

I didn’t receive flowers today…

I received flowers everyday since our nikkah.

But I didn’t get any today.

Maybe he canceled the order after what happened today.

The thought puts an ache in my chest.

One wrong thought and every bad scenario starts playing in my head, tightening my throat and filling my eyes with moisture.

Ya Allah, please give me a chance to explain myself to him.

“Arzo, beta?”

I quickly blink the tears away from my eyes and start to sit up as ammi approaches my room.

“Beta, Faizan is here,”

I frown and sign, “why?”

“I don’t know. He wants to talk to you, he looks nervous.”

Fear settles into my stomach at that. I sign to ammi that I’ll be downstairs, she nods then leaves.

Taking multiple heavy breaths, I get up from my bed, put my hair into a bun and wrap a scarf around my head.

Although I don’t need to cover my hair since he’s my husband… but I’m scared what he wants to talk about.

What if he ends-

No. Shut up. Go downstairs and find out first.

I take another deep breath and make my way downstairs into the living room where I find him sitting on the couch.

He quickly stands up when he sees me and his whole face.

“Assalamu Alaikum,” I greet back.

“Wale Kum Assalam,”

“What did you want to talk about?” I ask as my heart pounds loudly in my chest.

“I want to take you somewhere.” he says, “I know you have an event tonight, I’ll bring you back early, I promise. I asked your parents if I could take you out for a while, they don’t mind as long as you’re fine with it.”

I stare at his face and realize that he’s really nervous.

He’s nervous I’d refuse…

“Give me a second to change,” I sign and watch as his body relaxes with relief.

“Okay. Take your time, amar.”