Secrets and Stones

(10) Existence/Leave/Weather

July 10

It feels weird not having a genuine goal.

A goal that could keep me going, give me a reason to live. 

The only thing on my mind is him, is this love?

It feels so weird, like my heart flutters every time he's in my mind, but it's different from me loving my mom, or anytime any of the princes flirted with me.

Why does it feel like this?

It makes me feel alive, like he's the reason. 

Love!
Love.
Love?

Being able to love someone is normal right? I'm a young girl, is this supposed to happen this early? I'm 17, is that too young? What would my parents think? 

What would my dad think?

Running from something I know I can't escape, being in love, abandoning my soon-to-be.

Is this all just some made-up story from the stars? 

Something I know won't happen, what if i'm dead? 

Holy shit i'm dead aren't I?

I'm not in love. 

It's just some coping mechanism.

July 11

I was currently hiding in an abandoned church, eating whatever food they had left behind. It felt like I was starving, shoving food and drinks into my mouth. 

Walking to the storage room, I looked around for some toilet paper. After finding some I put a few rolls in my bag and continued grabbing more food and things I would need. I heard a loud bang coming from the door and ducked under one of the wooden shelves. The cans of peanut butter are the only things protecting me. 

The click of a loaded gun and the sound of light footsteps made me sit up straight, clutching my bag. I silently unzipped the bag and grabbed the only pistol I had in there. I put it up to my heart, ready to shoot if they came around the corner. I heard a quick sigh come out of their mouth as the sound of them colliding with the floor. 

"Those cops are gonna be the death of me..." My body tensed up as I recognized the voice. My breath hitched, becoming unsteady. I heard them stop. "Hello? Who's there?" The click of their shoes coming closer made me close my mouth. "Come out. I will shoot-" I paused as he came around the corner, making his way toward my direction. I quickly pointed my gun at him the moment he spotted me, shuffling away to the end of the shelf.

"Amelia?" The tears wouldn't stop. 

I couldn't breathe. My heart was pounding, it felt like I was dead. I couldn't utter a word out of my dry throat. "Amelia!" I stopped as he ran toward me and wrapped his arms around me. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Calmness rushed over me. 

"Y-you're not mad? Nothing?" He let go of the hug and stared at me. "You're not dead, are you?" I shook my head with a smile and accepted his hug. His white hair clouding my vision, along with the tears. I felt his hand rush to my face, checking to make sure I was actually fine. 

I couldn't help but blush, so I quickly pushed him away and looked away. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" He grabbed a jar of peanut butter, examining it. "Same thing you are." I rolled my eyes and rubbed my face and started to get up, being met by his hand. I smiled and grabbed it.

The gun on the floor wasn't loaded in the first place, why did I grab it? I sighed as I picked it up and shoved it in my bag. I started walking around, looking for the boxes of vodka, or any sort of alcohol I could get my hands on. I saw a box of Tito's and grabbed a few bottles, grabbing other things I would need to get my hands on a nice cocktail. 

I went around seeing what else I could somehow squeeze into the bag. 

"Where are we heading next?" I turned toward him, confusion on my face. "I didn't say you were coming." He grinned. "Honestly I don't care, because your not leaving me again over some stupid emotions that you can't control." 

"At least you know what's up. We're heading toward the edge of town, they're should be a bigger forest that way." I sighed, I was aware oft he long walk ahead, and the fact that we would have to hide would not help our situation. 

"We should get going now, grab a few guns and hide them in those pockets of yours. I pointed at his large pockets on his pants and watched as he put a shot gun into his closest pocket, finding bullets to put in the others.

I grabbed a rifle off on of the racks and we hit the road.

The gravel was rough on our feet, but we managed to make it to the other side of town in less than a day, we stopped at one of the few burned down buildings from the attacks a few years ago that landed here. The houses were black, with the wooden floors falling apart and most of them didn't have roofs, so we made due with anything we could find.

"These bugs are crazy." Lucas was swatting the gnats away from the 'house' we were staying in. I laughed at the fact he was currently running around trying to get the bugs away. "Stop laughing and help me! God.." I ran over to him and mimicked his movements, I was smiling, watching the concentration on his face as the bugs continued to fly around him. 

"How aren't they coming to you?" He was pissed, but I just gave out a fake laugh. "Maybe it's because i'm scarier than you." He gave me a face before running over to me and lifting me in the air, I gasped when he did it. "Put me down ass-face!"

"Never!" 

The sunset was gorgeous, my focus wasn't just on the sun though. I kept giving him quick glances before he could notice, and the whole night I felt squirmy. I was laying next to him, something I had wanted to do for a while. But this time, it was a different feeling squirming in my stomach. 

Love. 

July 12

I woke up hungry, and quickly went into my bag to find a can of fruit. Looking around for Lucas, I quickly noticed he wasn't where he was when we went to bed. I glanced around frantically, trying to see if he ran off somewhere.

"It's hot out here, wanna go swim?" I turned around, Lucas was sitting there, bare chest, and wet. "Where did you find somewhere to swim?" He put his hand out, gesturing for me to grab it. And that's what I did. I grabbed his hand and ran alongside him as he led me to the river. "Wow. What a swimming pool." I rolled my eyes.

"It's cool, try the water." 

"I don't wanna get my clothes we though.." I was being honest, I didn't have anything else to wear. 

"Come on! Before the water gets cold." 

In that moment, I only had one thought. 

Fuck it.

I took of my shirt, leaving me with my bra and my pants, which I kept on. The cool water clashed against my skin and I felt somebody grab me I jumped in, swinging me to the other side of them. "What was that for?" He shrugged and pulled me underwater, making faces as we laughed and came back up. 

I almost said something I would have regretted, but I kept it to myself and continued on with having fun. The heat of the sun would definitely give me a sunburn, but I ignored it. "You're so cute, you know that right?" I looked at him, giving him a laugh. "Wish I could say the same about you!" I knew he didn't like me, it was meant to be some funny comment.

The whole rest of our time in the river he seemed less enthusiastic, but he kept his smile. We screwed around until the sun went down again, and I went to go dry off in the woods, he was heading back to the 'house' to make sure nothing was stolen. I started walking back, when I heard him mumble something, but I wasn't sure I heard it right.

"Be safe, I love you."