Things I wanted to Say (but didn't)

18

🌻📚☀️

•Ariana Brooks•

I didn't know what I was expecting. It had been at least 6 months since I found Margo doing coke, I didn't answer any of her texts or calls for months after. I had lived with Margo for 1 year so it all ending quickly was weird. If we were technically speaking we were still together. We never had the break up talk. I never brought myself to talk to her. I tried multiple times, I couldn't. I didn't want to lose her but yet I wanted nothing to do with her.

It was June 30 2023 and after hours of calling and no answer I was sat under the sun banging on Margo's front door.
"Answer." I whispered under my breath. It had been almost 7 months since we last talk and after living with her for a year all my stuff was at her house. I was done begging my parents for money and new clothes it was time for me to hand this and get my stuff back. She must be in the back yard. Her and that dumb backyard I never knew why she was always other theirs. I slowly make my way around before coming face to face with a white picket fence, I took a deep breath before jumping it.

Everything was so white in that house I don't know how she didn't drive herself crazy. Especially after locking herself in it all these years. After spending some time at home or I should stay after seeing all those rich kids stuff drugs down their bodies I wanted nothing to do with this life. I can almost laugh at myself looking back. I had the right idea but wrong execution.

As I made my way to the back yard Margo was no where to be in sight but as I expected that backdoor was wide open. She probably just went inside. I let myself in screaming.
"MARGO?!" Trying to get her to answer me but still no answer. I slowly made my way up the stairs as my hands trailed the staircase rail. I looked around the house I haven't been too since last year. As I made it to the top of the stairs case I could hear her playlist that I basically memorize due to all the times we got ready while listening to it, playing lightly in the background.
"MARGO?!" I yelled out one more time before walking over to her bedroom door. I press my ear to the door trying to pick up any little thing but the only thing I heard was "Way Down We Go" By KALEO on her loud speaker.
"Margo?" I said knocking on her door to get an answer. But still nothing.
"Margo I'm coming in." I say as I slowly open the door bracing myself for whatever I was going to see.

Nothing could have prepared me for that moment.

I slowly walked in as I was faced with a messy room. Dishes were placed on the side of her bed that wasn't made, clothes filled the floor and pills laid on her bedside table. But still no sight of Margo. I took a few steps in spotting the light coming from the crack in her restroom door. Walking over I knock on the door.
"Margo are you in there?" I asked knocking again.
"And the will run you down, down till you fall." Played on her speaker in the background as I grew impatient. I knock again harder than before.
"Margo if you don't answer I'm coming it!" I yelled bang my fist so hard against the door it goes white.
"I'm coming in!" I say as my hand grabs the cold door handle sending chills down my back.
"All way Down we Go." Plays as I'm met with a pale non breathing Margo that was sat in her bath completely cloth.

I still remember that scream I let out. I've never screamed that loud in my life. I also remember grabbing my phone and calling the ambulance as fast as I could. I sat by your tub, holding onto your hand while being on the phone with an emergency operator just screaming. It's not fair that I was the one that found you like this, I shouldn't have been the one. Whenever I think about her, this is the one moment that comes to my mind. I can't think of anything else other that the trauma she put me through. I do not want to relive this nor did I ever plan on living it. When I can't sleep at night, this is the moment that haunts me. This is the moment that flashes in my head every once in a while and I have tried so hard to forget about it. I just can't get it out of my fucking head.