More Than Words

Prologue - WORTH

WORTH (noun)

1. The value of something measured by its qualities or by the esteem in which it is held

2. (preposition) Deserving of

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Evan

"How dark does the line need to be?" I call to my sisters from the bathroom with a tremor in my voice.

"Uhm, not very!" Dani squeals before I hear the shifting of bodies and feet on the ground. The three of them come rushing single file through the doorway, crowding around me as I stare blankly at the pregnancy test laid neatly on the counter.

"Let me see that," Stevie pushes her way to the front and bends down to get a closer look at the test screen. "There are definitely two lines," she says as she continues to squint at the stick.

"Doesn't matter how faint the line is. A line is a line," Chrissy practically yips with excitement. "You're 100% pregnant!"

My knees weaken beneath me, threatening to give out. Slowly I lower the toilet lid and seat myself on the fluffy purple cover I picked out for it as part of a matching bath-set when my boyfriend Ryan and I first moved in together.

I'm pregnant. Right now. There's life growing inside of me that I didn't know existed until a minute ago. I exhale a shaky breath that ends in a small giggle.

I look up to find my sisters studying me and my reaction, trying to calibrate their own reactions to either console me or celebrate with me.

"Are you breathing?" Chrissy's tone is gentle but guarded.

All I can do for the moment is nod as I fully absorb the reality of it. On the surface I'm beyond thrilled. I've always wanted to be a mother and carry my own child. It wasn't until I met Ryan and started getting serious with him that I started to think my dreams of getting married and having children were in reach.

And that terrified me.

Suddenly I began to worry about how long it would take us to conceive, if we'd have a hard time, if my dreams would ever come true.

Of course, I thought I'd be married first. But Ryan and I have been together for two years now. We've talked about a future together — marriage, babies, everything. I'm not on hormonal birth control so we've been using other methods, and while this is an unplanned surprise, we agreed early on that we were comfortable with the success rate of our chosen birth control method and if it failed, it failed.

"Nope," I respond to Chrissy with a lighthearted laugh. "Holy fuck, what are we going to do? Ryan is barely halfway through his residency, he practically lives at the hospital. I just started my dream job a few months ago." Anxiety borne word vomit pours out of me.

"First you're going to breathe," Dani insists with a soothing hand rubbing my back.

"Then you're going to call your doctor and get an appointment and prenatals," Chrissy advises.

"And then," Stevie kneels down in front of me, taking my hands in hers, "you're going to tell Ryan so we can start showering you with gifts because you're having a baby!" Her voice gets progressively louder and her tone progressively more excited until the three of them have hoisted me up and encircled me in a half-group-hug, half-happy-dance.

When we finally break apart I'm laughing through hysterical tears of joy and anxiety and shock — probably mostly shock. Quickly I wipe away the tears and lift my wrist to check my watch for the time.

"I need to get ready. Ryan made dinner reservations for tonight at Mon Petit Chou."

"Mon Petit Chou?" Chrissy echoes for confirmation. "He's taking you to Mon Petit Chou, the most romantic restaurant in the city, the night before New Year's Eve?"