we sin the same old sins

chapter 2: denial

I tried to change, closed my mouth more, tried to be soft, prettier, less awake.
 Fasted for sixty days, wore white, abstained from mirrors.
Abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word.
In that time my hair I grew past my ankles.
I slept on a mat on a floor. I swallowed a sword, I levitated into the basement...

I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet.
I threw myself in a volcano.
I drank the blood and drank the wine...
But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know
Are you cheating on me?

---

It was tense the next morning. Harry wakes up first, like every day, but it's way earlier than he intended. Forty minutes before Dawn's first feeding, he realizes the heavy truth. He doesn't have a single thing to do other than take care of his child. He's turning into a fucking house wife. He rubs an ungentle hand over his face and gazes at his husband's sleeping figure. So comfortable and calm. Louis has the nerve to come home after midnight and sleep, snoring with soft, parted lips, fluffy fringe falling over his nose that occasionally causes him to wiggle it. 

He has the nerve to look handsome when Harry should be mad⎯ is mad. It takes him a moment to spot Louis' phone, sitting face-down on the dresser on his bedside. Harry never would have thought he'd have to do this, he used to think they were a couple built on trust. A timeless love, exactly like the romcoms they used to watch. He guesses it was his fault to think he'd live in such a fairy tale.

He's careful to not jostle the older man as he leans over his body, snatching the phone up. Oddly enough, he hopes Louis catches him. He isn't going to be the one to speak first, to admit that he knows Louis lied. He prays Louis catches him, and he prays he doesn't find anything he won't like.

With Louis still sound asleep, Harry tiptoes out of the bedroom, his heart hammering in his chest. He settles on the couch in the living room, his hands trembling as he unlocks Louis' phone. The screen illuminates with a familiar background photo of the two of them on their Honeymoon in Cancún.

He navigates to Louis' call list, the contact had been Zayn, so he did speak to one of the Maliks, but he didn't see any of them.

 There was another name that caught his eye. "Max"

He vaguely remembers the name, he thinks he might've seen him on the lineup for something company-related. Any of the projects that he wasn't actively involved in, he's grown a habit of forgetting. But he recognizes the name, he just can't put a face to it.

Why was he calling Louis at all hours of the night? He scrolls through the call history, noting the frequency and duration of their conversations. They were more than just casual acquaintances, these calls were listed around the time Louis leaves for work in the morning and his fucking lunch break. Louis told him Harry didn't need to travel so far (even though it's only a fifteen minute drive) to get him lunch when he can just eat in the cafeteria, not to mention the fact that he claimed that Dawn deserves more attention than him.

Sure, it could be a stretch, a mere coincidence, an overreaction. But it was too much of a coincidence. Too fucking much. Harry would have never thought he'd do this, considering he and Louis have their own credit cards that they bank themselves, but he's doing it. He goes to the wallet app, noticing Louis' most recent transaction.

$250 fucking dollars at that sultry ass restaurant, Vespertine. Louis is lucky he can't see exactly what time the money was spent, but he can clearly see the date, and it was made yesterday. The more Harry scrolls, the more he sees the figures flashing on the screen.