Westwick Ball

Chapter 3: The Equivelant of a Blood Oath

Update: 5/1/2021 This story is currently being updated on Radish twice weekly. Links in my profile! Thank you :-)

Chapter 3: The Equivalent of a Blood Oath

~ Lana Nicole Mercier ~

I can't do this.

My heart was ready to jump out of my chest and my hands felt clammy and numb all at the same time. I desperately attempted to draw air into my lungs but it seemed to get stuck somewhere along the way...

Choking me...

Making me feel like I was moments away from fading completely and passing out.

"Lana..."

It was so close.

Just a few days away from my flight to Washington.

To meet him...

"Lana...!"

Why couldn't I breathe? It was always the same questions when this happened... how could I have stopped it?

"Lana....!"

What am I going to do once I-

"Lana! Breathe! Come on, I'm right here... come one, breathe with me. It's okay," Karly told me urgently as my vision cleared and I managed to focus on her.

I tried to follow what she was saying but it was so hard... I could barely breathe. My chest was aching from how hard I was dry-heaving.

"Shhh, it's okay... you're back. Just take slow deep breaths with me," Karly smiled while soothingly rubbing my back.

I kept following in her example and after a few seconds, air finally began circulating in my lungs and I was able to finally come back from my dark place. I closed my eyes and let my head hang in shame... it happened again. I lost control of myself and I had another one.

Another attack.

"It's okay, Lana. It's okay to be worried," Karly whispered to me.

"I- I just don't know if I can handle it... I d-don't know what's going to happen, I don't know what it's going to be like, I don't know if I'm going to feel comfortable-"

"And it is okay. You don't need to be in one-hundred percent control of everything all of the time,"Karly reminded me like always.

I took another deep breath and nodded.

I knew she was right but it was just hard to accept it.

"Hey, come one. I'm your BFF. I'm only going to be a phone call away, I swear that if you can't handle it I'll get you a plane ticket back here," Karla grinned.

"I know you will," I tried to give her a smile but the best I could do right now was a half-smile.

"I'll drive there myself to come get you if I have to, swear! I'll even pinky swear on it," Karla told me as she offered me her pinky.

I shakily raised my hand and connected my pinky with hers.

"I'm going to hold you to it... this is the equivalent of a blood oath," I joked, weakly.

Karla gave me a happy grin before rolling her eyes, "Duh."

And so... with all of the reluctance and anxiety in my heart that I could barely handle without going off the deep end again... the day after finals, I boarded a plane.