Eight.

Sage

I knew why Eight had gone to the bathrooms and it killed me. The whole reason we ran away was to escape the evil that abused us, not to let it touch us again. But he was adamant that Jayden wouldn't do the job alone and I knew that boy, once he made up his mind, there was no going back. I wished I could do more for us so that he wouldn't feel the need to resort to something so below him, but I couldn't. Eight would hate it more if I robbed and stole money, than whatever he was planning on doing. He was always such an enigma like that, he would rather he himself be filled with sin than the ones he loved. That was why I was determined to get us to California. Jayden told me stories she had heard about it, a land of angels and dreams; a place where people go to reborn, a paradise. I wasn't so sure about all of that, no place was a paradise, not here on earth, but it sounded a million times better than the hell we had grown up in. So, I fought back the exhaustion and the hunger, and the aching sadness that cut my heart like broken glass. I didn't miss home, but I think I missed who Eight was before he left. Even though he says otherwise, I wonder almost all day if I broke him somehow. The guilt had been eating me up all the way from the treehouse, and it didn't stop. My only way to redeem myself was by following through and getting us to California. I knew that if anything would happen to Eight on this journey that it would be my fault, that I would be to blame. Sometimes, in moments like these when Eight and Jayden were alseep I wondered if I made the right decision. I kept replaying the memories of what happened between Father and I, and I couldn't imagine him doing those things to Eight. I told myself that if I never got Eight out, he probably would have died in that house, like I did on the inside. So anything that would happen to him out here on the open road must be better than that. I wanted more than anything for it just to be him and I again, to hold his hand, but Jayden's presence served as a reminder that him and I's relationship wasn't normal. If anything, it was perverse and I was the one who kept it alive. I wish we knew how to just be brothers, or even just friends, not a dirty third thing that Father had created. I hated that his blood lived within me, that I was a product of his, that I came from a monster. I tried to tell myself that I wouldn't be one too but everytime I pulled my finger around the trigger of the gun, I could feel my blood rushing throughout my body and I felt superhuman. In those seconds, I became deadly afraid, scared of my own power as if it was some kind of addictive drug. I kept driving until the sun came up and Eight was still asleep and it was just Jordan and I who were awake. I had given her the map and she studied it intensely, showing me a glimpse of her brightness she hadn't shown before. She looked at me and was about to speak but stopped before she could. I wondered what she wanted to say. "Do you know about his scars?" She finally asked, averting her eyes as she said it. The car filled with silence, I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just nodded my head. "Do you have them too?" She asked again. I pursed my lips and nodded again. "Why?" I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and tried to calm my breathing, "Our Father" I answered. She became quiet for a while before asking me another question. "Is that why you guys are going to California?" I nodded yet again. I drove on in silence as she looked out the window, and I thought about her life. Since I met her, I've tried not to let her know too much about the two of us, for fear that somehow she might be questioned by the police, but out here on the open road that seemed farther and farther from a possibility. The way she acted around Eight was strange I found, and her personality kept warping from one extreme to the other. Quiet and reserved but a violent sex worker as well. I thought about it, was that all she was? Perhaps I had been judging her too harshly for a situation she didn't have choice in. It wasn't like she had choosen this willingly at first, but then again, I didn't know too much about her. "You know Eight wants to um, help you out in making more cash", I said. She averted her gaze, "If that's what he wants to do then that's his choice." I sighed heavily, "But it's dangerous isn't it? I'm supposed to be protecting him, not fucking pimping him out." I could see Jayden studying me through the mirror. "You're a good brother." She said. I could feel bile rising up my throat, I didn't feel like a good brother, not at all. "I'm trying" I said. "But, the thought of losing him terrifies me." I tried to catch my breath, "And you suggesting you whore yourself out so we can get to California doesn't help me because now he feels bad for you and doesn't want you to do it alone." Jayden smirked, "Your brother's too kind for his own good." I took a deep breath in and focused on the road. "I know" I said, "It's going to get him killed if I'm not looking after him." I looked over to Eight who was fast asleep with drool on his chin. Jayden leaned forward, "Look, how far left have we got, and then we just calculate the cost for food and gas and motels and then that's the money we need, right?" I nodded, and she continued, "Then, we know that's all the money we'd need to collect and then we'd know how many times I'd have to, you know." I cleared my throat, "Okay, and um, how much does it usually pay?" Jayden sighed, "Out here, the pay would be shit, but..." Jayden said, "We've got a gun." I looked back at her briefly, "So?" She rolled her eyes, "So, we've got a gun, and that means we can get paid however much we want." My mouth was dry, "So we rob them?" Jayden shrugged, "Why not? It's not like they're good people." I sighed and looked out the window, feeling the heat of the day beginning to approach. "We have to be careful though, and plan it out. I can't have Eight getting hurt." Jayden relaxed back into the seat, "You think I want to be hurt either?" I clenched my jaw. "You're right, we can't have you getting hurt either." She nodded dismissively and looked out the window. I tapped the steering wheel anxiously with my finger, "Look, it's not that I don't care about you, I'm just trying to protect my brother from, well, anything that could stop us from our new life." Jayden nodded again slowly, "You think I trust you both either?" She said through gritted teeth. "For starters you both are men, and I'm here forced to sleep in this small ass truck with you both, and secondly you have a fucking gun. You could kill me at any moment, matter of fact, you could probably rape me as much as you'd like, and then tie me up at the nearest gas station for everyone else to rape and then you could shoot me with that fucking gun, and no one would care." She started to cry, "You act like I'm the threat here but I'm not. You are, and I'm fucking sick of acting like you're not." She wiped her tears hurriedly, "I'm not going to fucking stop your new life because I need it as much as you do. You don't know me Sage. I'm not this crazy fucking hooker whose out to seek revenge because you killed my fucking dad, okay? If anything Im grateful that son of a bitch is dead, but you don't get to judge me for what I did to survive when you're a fucking murderer!" She put her earbuds in and looked out the window, telling me the conversation was over. I thought about what she had said, and deep down, I knew she was right. If any of us were going to make it to California, we'd have to all work together. "I'm sorry", I said finally. Jayden looked at me. "I'm sorry, you're right." I looked back at her and tried to smile, "We're more alike than I think the both of us would like to admit." Jayden smiled weakly, "You wish you were as cool as me", she said. I actually laughed out loud, waking up Eight. He sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes open. "Morning" he said before furrowing his brows, "Did I just hear you laugh?" He said. I nodded. "I haven't heard your laugh in so long." He said smiling at me, "It's nice".  Jayden rolled her eyes, "You guys are so gross." Eight looked back to her and smiled softly, "Good morning to you too."