Swept Under The Rug

Family

"Hiiii, my baby!" A older black woman slightly hunched over with a dark colored African gown on stood by the door. "Did you miss your grandma?" She said as she waved to me as I was climbing out of the backseat of the car. "Bring her in the house" she yelled and waved to my mother. The house was a dark green color. It was long in the front because it had one floor. But attached to the back of it was the second floor of the house so we entered through the side of the house. I immediately noticed a fish tank sitting next to a big boxed colored TV on the floor. I stared in awe as the voices of my mother and grandmother faded towards the kitchen. What is it like for the fish in there? I thought to myself. "I'll be back, stay with your grandmother" I turned to catch a glimpse of my mother waving and closing the door on her way out. "You hungry?" My grandmother said to me, as she stood up from the kitchen table. "Come sit down, yo momma gone be back for you tonight. She going to work". I set at the table and ate my sandwich as I pictured alternate lives in my head. Inside of the house was crowded with loads of furniture and antiques my grandmother had been collecting and the lighting through the thick brown curtains in the living room and kitchen damped the environment to where you could barely see the wall printing. But the atmosphere was calming. "Can I watch TV grandma?" I called to my grandma who was sitting in her room watching TV. "Yeah" she looked at me as if she couldn't figure out which two heads on my shoulders asked that ridiculous question, "go in there and turn it on". I could barely read and understand the words and I've never worked a TV before so I set there for about 5 minutes trying to get it to work. I spent the next two minutes mustering up the courage to go ask my slightly intimidating grandmother to help me turn it on. One she helped me I didn't touch anything except the nob to change the channel. "Grandma can I play with the fish?" I ask before she goes back to her room. "You can feed them, grab that bottle and shake some food in the tank" I shook a little and a few hours later, I shook a little more. I ended up falling asleep on my grandmother's couch that night and my mom came back late to wake me and take me home.

     I spent multiple days there and would have the same routine. One day me and my mother walked in and the carpet had two inches of water above it. Grandma said the fish tank fell. I guess the family could tell that grandma was getting a little older and it was time for the family to move closer together. Things weren't so quiet anymore once my nanna moved upstairs from my grandma. Nanna had a lot of kids, all half siblings to my mother. 4 girls out of the half siblings are close to my age. "Jay! Come outside" my aunt DD sits next to me on the floor as I watch TV. "What is there to do outside?" I ask, still watching TV and eating my snacks. "Come on, we can play jump rope and stuff and we got snacks upstairs" says my other aunt KK. "Okay" I say, and follow the leader outside. It was bright and warm. I had a blue jumpsuit on with pink Barrett's and sneakers. "What's your name?" A girl on a big wheel stopped me to ask on our way upstairs to get snacks. I got so sidetracked by everyone outside by the time I made my way halfway up the stairs someone was already passing me chips ahoy cookies. They went downstairs but I decided to keep going up. It was like a dream park. Bright sunlight through the window, people and kids everywhere laughing and playing and any toy or game you'd like. Even guns, something my mom wouldn't let me have. I reconnected with my other family members and from there; no other day at grandmas house was basic.

    "Come on, get in the car. You gotta get ready to go to your dad's house" my mother said out the backseat window as she pulled up to my grandmother's house while we were outside riding big wheels. "Can I come?" Said Mell. My god brother but really just my cousin. His mother and mine were close like sisters so Grandma started to babysit him too. "Oou Mickey! Can I come too?" Says Kk, to my Mom. "No, y'all can't come.. tell Grandma I took her" as they raced to go tell Grandma first, I jumped in the car.

     Since I could remember, I've always been excited to visit my Dad, and this day is no different. After showering, changing my clothes and packing a bag it was already dark outside. "Come on, we gotta hurry up" says my mom as she begins to shut down the house. Sitting in the backseat of the car I could only see how beautiful the street lights made it's dark blue sky in the background. "Hello?! You really about to do this" I turn my head to see my mother on the phone and we're parked at a gas station. "Mmtch, shit! I gotta get some gas" she says to herself as she puts her phone down. "Stay here" she says as the car door closes behind her. "Can you grab me a juice" I yell back. "I'm not going in" she says, this time she's already by my window opening the gas tank. We make it in front of my dad's house and park across the street. I remember being told that he has a girlfriend now and lives with her. After sitting for sometime my mother told me that he's not answering. My heart sinked after registering that I won't be seeing him that night. I cried loudly, apart of me wanting him to hear me and to come get me from the car. But he didn't. That day changed the way I loved my Daddy forever because deep down in my heart, I just knew that his love for me wasn't the same anymore. If it was, he would of showed it. I was hurt, especially after wasting my time leaving my big wheel, riding in the car, getting dressed and riding in the car some more just to be outside and getting ignored at the last minute.