CROWS

A New Era

After our first time together we started seeing each other regularly. He came over to my place once, where I cooked for him. Most of the times we met at his apartement though. I enjoyed the location change, because I was used to meeting my previous situationships at my place.
In fact, he was the fourth man I had ever been with, but the first to live by himself.
All of my previous partners were situationships aswell. The funny part is, technically they are all connected.

Let's have a quick summary, shall we:
I met the first guy on Tinder. I was super shy back then and it took me about 2 years to finally agree to meet him in person. The second guy dm'd me on instagram after I heartbrokenly watched the stories of everyone the first guy was following. (feel free to judge, i  am judging myself too haha). After second guy inspired me to go into health care I attended a class where I met third guy aka the man who would quickly become my best friend.
When I was hanging out with third guy, we ran into an old friend of his one day, whom I would later recognise on a group photo on fourth guy's Hinge profile. Funnily enough that photo was actually the reason I decided to even text him.

Anyways, after hanging out a couple of times, he suddenly started telling me about other girls he was seeing. My internal alarms started going off immediately. For the first time I was actually not looking for a relationship, nor did I feel like I was in love with him. (That was usually the case.) I hadn't even thought about what we were until then. But the second he mentioned it, something switched. I realised that the thought of being one of many did actually make me uncomfortable.

I thought about it all night and decided the next day that it was finally time to break the pattern. I drafted a letter, that said that I didn't feel comfortable with the situation and thanked him for the wonderful time we got to spend together.
I knew it was the right decision. I knew what I wanted and I wouldn't ignore my own wishes again. It was finally time to break free from this curse.
But if it's right.. why does it feel so wrong?