A random book

Trypanophobia rant

Tw mentions of needles and blood tests and stuff also possible sh warning since it mentions cutting wrists (not in a sh way but still be careful) also swearing and my teary eye >.<

If you think it's 'childish to be scared of needles' then gtfo I'm really not looking for that shit rn

So I'm pretty sure I'm trypanophobic. Haven't actually been diagnosed (idk who diagnoses phobias) but I've suspected it for ages. Nothing triggered it (I think) but I've had it since I was around 9.

It is worth mentioning that I have a discomfort with wrists. Seeing them being touched, my wrists being touched, something cutting them (not talking about sh I'm talking about anything at all) and I'm freaking out. I was having a little hallucination (?) where I was thinking a sheet of paper was cutting my wrists (I was in bed) I felt the pain of it and nearly started crying. Fuck my brain for that shit always giving me hallucinations of pain and shit get outta here🖕

I've had to tell friends and family to shut up to get them to stop talking about their medical procedures that involved things in their wrists. I had to leave the room once and started crying and shaking at the thought. I'm even tearing up as I write this haha. I'm a bit harsher on people doing it on purpose though. Telling them to shut the fuck up. Felt a bit bad but they ain't apologising so why should I.

I've had a piercing before on my ear, but I wasn't really scared of it, just felt really hot and that's all. So it's only medical settings that make me scared.

Every time I have a scary pain or something, where do I turn to? Google! And it's stupid! But still, need to know this stuff... legit every pain I get freaks me out. Asked a friend about possible causes of a pain in my right side and she said I could have appendicitis. It's a surgery to remove it? I'd rather cut my head off with a guillotine! (I thankfully did not have appendicitis and it went away quickly <3)

My worst fear is diabetes because if I catch that shit it's over for me, goodnight everyone, going to the local train station to get Shoujo Rei'd (joking) like my mental health will go down severely.

Also worth mentioning I've had injections before. When I was a kid. But then I completely stopped at ages 8-11 because there weren't any being given out. Now in high school I've skipped EVERY SINGLE VACCINE. So uh yeah that's just fucking lovely innit. This shit is destroying my life frfr.

Not quite sure what's causing the phobia. It's not the fear of pain because I get my nails done professionally and if that file cuts my finger I'm gonna be feeling that for the rest of my life (it's true that shit HURTS). It's not the thought of something entering me I think? Because I don't really give a damn if I'm being cut by something as long as it's far away from my wrists and veins (makes me sickkk) and it can't be the sharpness either because like I said I've had a piercing (until it got infected but we don't talk about that) before and it was okay ig. Wasn't scary but hurt just a little bit. Was absolutely boiling.

I had to get two fillings lately and when I first heard the word 'cavity' come from my dentist's mouth I nearly passed out. When I get a problem my first thought is always 'do I need an injection to get that sorted?' Held it together for the appointment because I was without answers and didn't need to cry yet as there was still hope, then when I found out from my mum (in the car) that I needed an injection for it, I burst into tears. For two whole hours I was non stop crying with two minute breaks. I was so dead. But uh something I never noticed about myself, my crying eyes are gorgeous.