Lalisa
Fuck Me.
"Jennie... I- I ca.. can't do this!" I mutter each word with terror.
My insides shaking violently with just the thought of a camera focusing on me. If it wasn't so obvious yet, I hate anything that has to do with me and popularity. What more having Jennie Kim vlog about this day--- I don't like being on cam! I hate even just the thought of it.
"Lisa listen."
I waited for what she has to say since she's driving and I'm agitated here inside her car.
"We will shoot this one whether you like it or not. You don't have a choice, okay?"
I gulp at how heavy and authoritative her voice sounds like. It feels like anything I say will be use against me. Her face held on emotion and I could sense her apprehension. She seems excited too but too bad, because there's no way I'm letting this challenge happen!
"But Jen... I really can't. " I hopelessly answer. I'm starting to feel irritated and I tried to hide it but looking at how it caught her attention, I guess I failed to do so. Jennie suddenly pulls over on the side road and turn to face me. Her face still shows no emotion and it's starting to freak me out yet, I know I should hold my ground.
I just couldn't let Jennie change my peaceful high school life, can I?
I know all my weaknesses and forcing myself to one of them just to meet her satisfaction would be unfair to me. And I know, Jennie Kim do not take rejection as easily as other people-- after all, she was born with everything and the idea of rejection would never fit her. But this is another case, she can't just force me to do this!
"Lisa-ah." She calls while her eyes directly staring at me. It makes me gulp when I tried to match her intense gaze. "This challenge... it didn't need to happen, well that was until hours ago."
Her eyes darkening with the next few minutes she looks at me and I tremble at the sight. It confuses me how she phrases her words but I didn't say a thing and let her say what she has for herself. How would she try to convince ( force ) me?
"You pissed me off Lalisa, bear with the consequence." Confusion grew inside of me when I hear what she said and if I don't voice it out, I'm afraid I would fill to the brim until I burst so I took the opportunity and face my fear.
"What did I do Jen?" I ask eyes asking for forgiveness I don't even know why I'm asking for it, but I knew I don't want to go on with her plan and if it's what it takes for me to escape then so be it. But what I have done must've pissed the woman more than she is already.
"You're really asking?!" I flinch when I heard her yell but I force myself to withstand it.
"I swear I didn't do a thing, Jen, I don't know why you're doing this!"
I didn't mean the sudden rise in my voice but it must have triggered something inside of Jen. Her eyes darken and within a second I found her on top of me straddling me while pinning me in the seat of her own car.
It cause a series of panic in my system when I met her cat eyes.
"W-What are you doing?" I ask as I pushed her away but Jennie, though, smaller than me proves that she's stronger.
"Lalisa. Are you testing my patience right now?" She asks. Her tone gentle but how could I believe that when her eyes speak a different volume?
She's giving me the same look again. And just like how it always has been around her, my heart dances a specific tune only she can produce. And the tightening churn on my stomach from the legendary butterfly returns. Just like how it is when she's around. Only when Jennie is around.
"Why are you doing this Jen?" Confusion is evident in my voice. I'm not freakin' dense. I'm not living under a rock, I have a fair share of flings and Jennie Kim has been messing with my feelings lately. I tried reasoning that it was just because she's kind and she's naturally clingy. Why? Cause I don't like keeping my hopes up! Expecting that maybe she feels something for me, probably like I do? Now if that's not straight out delusion, I don't know what is.
And then this feeling would come after thinking of this. The feeling of stupidity and self-mockery. My self-consciousness mocking me with the thoughts and I would end up wallowing myself in my own darkness.
"Doing what Lalisa, what am I doing?" She asks. And I grew even more confused, I also feel frustrated.
She wants me to say it cause she knew I can't and I won't. And I'll never admit to it. Coward? Call it whatever you want but isn't it the same with everyone?
People are not afraid of love they are afraid of rejection that comes with it. Falling in love is bliss but what comes after it is completely the opposite. And I'm nothing special, I'm just the same with everyone.
"I'm only doing this challenge if you won't upload this online. Otherwise, I'm walking out on you."
I met her eyes with nothing but determination and she sighed in defeat. It's a nice deal, after all, she still gets to record the whole thing.
"Fine. I won't upload the video, but I'll get to keep it." I nodded like an obedient pet making Jennie smile. She's still straddling me, pinning me down the car seat.
Our eyes still held each other until her phone rings. She gets off me but not without licking my cheeks making me blush.
"We're on our way, just stand by."
I heard Jennie say to the other line but I keep my vision outside the car.
Our conversation just earlier bugging me.
I feel the tension, from the very first time we met. I was just ignoring it, not giving it enough time to entertain, but now that she's acting like this.. I can't help but not assume... even though I shouldn't.
I took a deep breath that seems to caught Jennie's attention.
She held my hand intertwining our fingers as she parked the car. We reach the mall; I gulp seeing a lot of people around.
"Are you wearing a disguise later Jen?" I anxiously asked but Jennie didn't feel the same.
She laughs so loud it irritates me.
"Silly no. I called my team, didn't I?" I nod and she leaned forward removing my seat belt. "That means, I also have my bodyguard around Lisa-ah. We'll be safe I promise. "
Oh fuck.
"So you're telling me.. someone can still recognize you.. with me? "
She nods enthusiastically, and I turn pale. No. That means my deal earlier will be in vain! I took a sharp breath shaking my head in disbelief.
I need to take things into my own hand this time.
"ARGH!" I yelled in frustration.
I saw Jennie jump in shock but I ignore it and face her with a stern face. My frustration is taking over, I'm not even caring who she is.
"Stay in the car and wait for me, Jennie Kim. Don't go out and do not let anyone see you unless I told you so. Got it?" I'm aware that I'm not myself right now. I mean, I wouldn't for the freakin' god would yell at Jennie Kim let alone order her. But my frustration and annoyance are taking over that all she did was nod.
I took a deep breath, exited her car, and contact my cousin.
"Bam. I need a favor."
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