BEAT IT

2

"i'm really sorry bout that, i should get going." he said ashamed and quickly stood up wiping his face with pink hoodie.

he started to disappear from my sight and i sat motionless, still in shock at what had just happened. after a few seconds i decided to go after him even tho i couldn't see him anywhere.

i quickly went out whoever the fuck crib it was to the porch and there he was, sitting at the cold ground with his face buried in his knees.

"gus, you good? why did you leave?" i caught my breath, slightly touching his arm. he shivered looking at me.

"um-i don't know, i didn't want to bother you anymore and i'm ashamed that you needed to hear me talkin bout all this shit. i'm sorry. and yeah i'm aight." he said swiftly wiping his teary eyes.

"hey please just don't cry, don't be sorry you didn't bother me at all, i'm glad i could hear you out."

"thank you, i needed it." he wondered for a second.

"i didn't talk that much to anyone in a year, i'm not sure why i said all that stuff to you. i think i felt safe for once. but anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart." he said sincerely.

i stayed quiet for a minute. thinking about all the things he've said to me.

"do you have a lighter? dammit i think i lost mine." he asked shifting at the cold porch looking through his pockets.

"yeah, here." i handled him the lighter out of my bag and he lit up the blunt, putting it in his mouth. i watched him inhale the smoke as his chest rise up.

"ava?"

"yeah?" i asked snapping out of whatever trans i was.

"i've asked do you wanna take a hit?" now i looked at him embarrassed that i made myself look stupid staring at him. my cheeks started to burn.

"don't be ashamed baby, you good." i nodded my head and he handled me the blunt.

i took a few hits as my body automatically started to relax and my mind went quiet.

i looked at my phone to check the time. it was 1am.

"so gus, why don't you have any friends? you don't like people?" i broke the comfortable silence. really curious of what he's gonna say.

"i hate them. they always leechin off me, i had this terrible tendency to always give someone my whole heart out, even tho they would do me wrong every fuckin single time. i guess i didn't learn from my mistakes and was blindfolded by them you kno? i've always tried to find good in people, justifying their shitty actions towards me and in the end that's what destroyed me." he looked up to the sky.

"i feel you, i don't like being around people either, everybody's just so fake. always have this bad intentions and it's hard when you have a genuine heart." i sighed looking up the sky as well.

"yeah, it got me to this point now that i have really bad attachment issues constantly scared that everyone's gonna leave me so i just don't associate myself with anyone anymore." i nodded at his response.

"what about love?" i asked.

"what about it?"

"do you believe in love?" i was wondering the same thing now.

"i did, but not anymore." he said shrugging.

"why's that?"

"not when somebody you loved cheated on you." his voice cracked.

"i'm really sorry you had to go through this, it's fucked up. i shouldn't have asked in the first place." i said quietly looking at him now. his eyes started to water as he bit his lips trying to stop tears from falling.

"i'm so messed up, why i have to always cry?" he said angrily to himself.

"it's okay, that's how you know you still feel."

"but i don't want to feel anymore, that's the problem ava."